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Closing Down the Heart is Bad for the Body 

 Many of us seem unaware of the damage we are doing to ourselves on all levels – psychological and physiological – when we close down our hearts.  Studies from the scientific world are showing us that choosing not to love runs counter to the life force itself.

 

“A study at Duke University by Dr Redford Williams and colleagues of almost fourteen hundred men and women who underwent a coronary angiography and were found to have had at least one severely blocked coronary artery – showed that after five years, those studied who were unmarried and did not have a close confidant, were over three times as likely to have died than those who were married, had a close confidant, or both. After five years, 50% of those who were unmarried and who did not have a confident were dead.  These differences were independent of any other known medical prognostic risk factors, including number and severity of blocked coronary arteries, smoking, cholesterol, exercise and so on.

 

Another study in Sweden of over two hundred men who had suffered a heart attack found that being single significantly increased the risk of death both from heart disease and from all causes more than eight years later.  Researchers in Amsterdam interviewed over 2,800 people 55 to 85 years of age to determine levels of loneliness as well as individual perceptions of emotional support available from friends and family. They discovered that older people who perceived themselves as surrounded by a loving, supportive circle of friends “decreased their likelihood of dying by approximately half when compared with individuals who reported feelings of emotional isolation.  Those with the highest self-reported feelings of loneliness had nearly double the death rate of those who said they felt emotionally connected to others.”     (Dean Ornish, Love and Survival, 46-48).

 

Why do we close our hearts and cut off our connections from others? Because, we are scared. We close our hearts when we’re feeling angry, when we’re feeling rejected, or neglected, or when we feel attacked, or used or manipulated, or not considered, or criticized, or belittled.  Behind anger, you’ll find, lurks fear. Behind all of these feelings, you’ll find fear. What are we so afraid of?  We are afraid of being abandoned, separated, alone. In other words, we are afraid of being unloved.  Our fear causes us to close down. We ‘stonewall’ or refuse to communicate, we withdraw, sulk, or we spit out in anger and say hurtful things, or do hurtful things – often to those we most love. All these actions put up the barriers to our connections. When the walls of the heart come up, we actually end up creating the very situation that gave rise to our fears in the first place – we cut off from love, and so it cuts off from us. Somewhere, we have to break the cycle.

 

When the Perfect Person Makes an Entrance

 

There is nothing as capable of creating psychic wounds as the departure of love that comes from a closed down heart. Childhood wounds invariably have their origins in early relationships where love was blocked and the connection broken. And later, we find, it is only love that can expose these wounds and bring them up for healing. And when that happens – it hurts! Fascinatingly, we each draw to ourselves, through the awesome intelligence within us, the ‘perfect person’ to help us become conscious of these wounds.

 

This is what I mean by perfect:  Your idealized image of the perfect person is probably NOT going to be the perfect partner the Universe sends your way. This is because the person who is right for you, is the one who will support your healing, your  growth and the evolution of your consciousness. This person will unerringly hone in on those most vulnerable parts of you. Love, we learn, is certainly not all warm fuzzies. Welcome to another side of love – pain, disappointment and hurt. Love is capable of wearing many different masks. And this is not to say your perfect person will not possess many of those beautiful qualities you desire as well. He, or she, is just going to bring along some other ‘qualities’ with them.   Best to know these things at the start….

 

We are on a mission to heal the fractured parts of ourselves – to become whole. Through perfecting ourselves, we are also perfecting the ‘whole’ of which we are individual cells: the higher consciousness state.  We can safely say the Universe has a vested interest in us fixing ourselves. As we do, the higher consciousness state (the Universe, God, or whatever you would like to call it) evolves.

 

And what a way it chose to help us do it – the devastatingly creative force of LOVE.   Nothing is a more powerful vehicle for transformation it turns out, than sex! 

 

Making this journey into the Self, is not for the faint-hearted. It requires courage to look deep into your own psychic space, admit you may have some rough spots to polish out and become vulnerable and willing to take the risk to enter, wholeheartedly into this love business.  But this is what we must do if we want to live fulfilling lives and enjoy relationships of integrity, strength and longevity. If you want to become whole, if that is what you want, you can have it!  Remember the awesome power you have to create what you want. But if you want a ‘perfect relationship’ then, be ready to do the work to get there. Start with the thoughts and beliefs you fill your mind with. The Universe will deliver to you, in exact measure, the ‘effects’ of your beliefs.  If you believe you are not good enough, you will probably end up with a partner who reflects that belief – who is exactly that – not good enough. Time then, to get conscious about what you are creating and sending out. And remember too, the person who is perfect for you is going to be the one who takes you into all your deepest, darkest places. Don’t  let that stop you from sending out your desires; the Universe is endlessly creative and you can have it all! A lover, a healer, a saviour and at times an opponent – your ‘perfect person’ may be all of these, because the perfect person for you will be the partner with whom you journey into the centre of your soul.

 

Heart Rule: The ‘law of attraction’ states that whatever we focus on, we magnetise to us. We are walking, talking magnets and we can have anything and everything we desire – including the perfect partner! – IF our desires support our growth, healing and evolution.  And that means, your ‘perfect partner’ is more about perfecting you – than being perfect – however you define it. 

 

Heart Rules – Chapter 3:  ..continued

 

Closing Down the Heart is Bad for the Body 

 

Many of us seem unaware of the damage we are doing to ourselves on all levels – psychological and physiological – when we close down our hearts.  Studies from the scientific world are showing us that choosing not to love runs counter to the life force itself.

 

“A study at Duke University by Dr Redford Williams and colleagues of almost fourteen hundred men and women who underwent a coronary angiography and were found to have had at least one severely blocked coronary artery – showed that after five years, those studied who were unmarried and did not have a close confidant, were over three times as likely to have died than those who were married, had a close confidant, or both. After five years, 50% of those who were unmarried and who did not have a confident were dead.  These differences were independent of any other known medical prognostic risk factors, including number and severity of blocked coronary arteries, smoking, cholesterol, exercise and so on.

 

Another study in Sweden of over two hundred men who had suffered a heart attack found that being single significantly increased the risk of death both from heart disease and from all causes more than eight years later.  Researchers in Amsterdam interviewed over 2,800 people 55 to 85 years of age to determine levels of loneliness as well as individual perceptions of emotional support available from friends and family. They discovered that older people who perceived themselves as surrounded by a loving, supportive circle of friends “decreased their likelihood of dying by approximately half when compared with individuals who reported feelings of emotional isolation.  Those with the highest self-reported feelings of loneliness had nearly double the death rate of those who said they felt emotionally connected to others.”     (Dean Ornish, Love and Survival, 46-48).

 

Why do we close our hearts and cut off our connections from others? Because, we are scared. We close our hearts when we’re feeling angry, when we’re feeling rejected, or neglected, or when we feel attacked, or used or manipulated, or not considered, or criticized, or belittled.  Behind anger, you’ll find, lurks fear. Behind all of these feelings, you’ll find fear. What are we so afraid of?  We are afraid of being abandoned, separated, alone. In other words, we are afraid of being unloved.  Our fear causes us to close down. We ‘stonewall’ or refuse to communicate, we withdraw, sulk, or we spit out in anger and say hurtful things, or do hurtful things – often to those we most love. All these actions put up the barriers to our connections. When the walls of the heart come up, we actually end up creating the very situation that gave rise to our fears in the first place – we cut off from love, and so it cuts off from us. Somewhere, we have to break the cycle.

 

When the Perfect Person Makes an Entrance

 

There is nothing as capable of creating psychic wounds as the departure of love that comes from a closed down heart. Childhood wounds invariably have their origins in early relationships where love was blocked and the connection broken. And later, we find, it is only love that can expose these wounds and bring them up for healing. And when that happens – it hurts! Fascinatingly, we each draw to ourselves, through the awesome intelligence within us, the ‘perfect person’ to help us become conscious of these wounds.

 

This is what I mean by perfect:  Your idealized image of the perfect person is probably NOT going to be the perfect partner the Universe sends your way. This is because the person who is right for you, is the one who will support your healing, your  growth and the evolution of your consciousness. This person will unerringly hone in on those most vulnerable parts of you. Love, we learn, is certainly not all warm fuzzies. Welcome to another side of love – pain, disappointment and hurt. Love is capable of wearing many different masks. And this is not to say your perfect person will not possess many of those beautiful qualities you desire as well. He, or she, is just going to bring along some other ‘qualities’ with them.   Best to know these things at the start….

 

We are on a mission to heal the fractured parts of ourselves – to become whole. Through perfecting ourselves, we are also perfecting the ‘whole’ of which we are individual cells: the higher consciousness state.  We can safely say the Universe has a vested interest in us fixing ourselves. As we do, the higher consciousness state (the Universe, God, or whatever you would like to call it) evolves.

 

And what a way it chose to help us do it – the devastatingly creative force of LOVE.   Nothing is a more powerful vehicle for transformation it turns out, than sex! 

 

Making this journey into the Self, is not for the faint-hearted. It requires courage to look deep into your own psychic space, admit you may have some rough spots to polish out and become vulnerable and willing to take the risk to enter, wholeheartedly into this love business.  But this is what we must do if we want to live fulfilling lives and enjoy relationships of integrity, strength and longevity. If you want to become whole, if that is what you want, you can have it!  Remember the awesome power you have to create what you want. But if you want a ‘perfect relationship’ then, be ready to do the work to get there. Start with the thoughts and beliefs you fill your mind with. The Universe will deliver to you, in exact measure, the ‘effects’ of your beliefs.  If you believe you are not good enough, you will probably end up with a partner who reflects that belief – who is exactly that – not good enough. Time then, to get conscious about what you are creating and sending out. And remember too, the person who is perfect for you is going to be the one who takes you into all your deepest, darkest places. Don’t  let that stop you from sending out your desires; the Universe is endlessly creative and you can have it all! A lover, a healer, a saviour and at times an opponent – your ‘perfect person’ may be all of these, because the perfect person for you will be the partner with whom you journey into the centre of your soul.

 

Heart Rule: The ‘law of attraction’ states that whatever we focus on, we magnetise to us. We are walking, talking magnets and we can have anything and everything we desire – including the perfect partner! – IF our desires support our growth, healing and evolution.  And that means, your ‘perfect partner’ is more about perfecting you – than being perfect – however you define it. 

 

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