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 Having studied naturopathy and holistic healing for over 30 years now, and practising (for the most part) the principles of healthy living – I have to say, I’m depressed.   The world is crazy.  I am probably more informed than most on the dangers of fluoridation, chlorination, vaccination, GMOs, EMFs…..the list continues to grow…..but  it isn’t enough.  It’s becoming a full-time job to stay on top – that is, to take care the health of myself and my family – and it feels like a losing battle. What hope is there for the less informed and those who cannot afford to buy organic food, supplements, pure water?

In the latest edition of ‘The New Zealand Journal of Natural Medicine’, Walter Last, naturopath, writes:  “I am now fully convinced that most diseases are indeed caused by the medical system.”  He goes on, in this excellent article, to back up his conviction with insights like:  “Statistics show that whenever there was a strike by doctors, the death rate in the affected population fell dramatically.”

And:  “Candidiasis is not the only side-effect of antibiotic treatment, and antibiotics are not the only drugs that cause such problems.  Drugs used in chemotherapy, anti-inflammatory steroidal drugs and other long-term drug therapies tend to kill or suppress the natural intestinal bacteria and yeast, parasites and harmful bacteria start taking over.”   This leads to the development of autoimmune diseases such as asthma, lupus and cancer – the epidemic of our times. Root canals are another cause of autoimmune diseases. Dr Weston Price (former Director of Research for the American Dental Association) did a number of (horrendous) studies, where he inserted a removed root-filled tooth under the skin of a 100 rabbits. The rabbits all died within two days.  When normal teeth were implanted, the rabbits suffered no adverse health effects.

Statistics, according to Last and contrary to what the propaganda has been hammering us with, show that death rates from targeted disease rose with the introduction of vaccines.  “Other side-effects ascribed to modern vaccines are cot death (SIDS), a strong rise in autism and ADHD and so-called ‘shaken baby syndrome’ (spot bleeding in the brain) which landed innocent parents in jail.”   At the other end of childhood, the Gardasil (HPV) vaccine is quietly maiming and killing young women all over the world.


What the hell is going on??


Those of us who are half awake, know about the suppression of natural medicine – and the ‘deliberate bias against natural therapies’.  It seems bewildering and nonsensical.   When we are told such facts as ‘private-practice oncologists (in the US) typically derive two-thirds of their income from selling chemotherapy to patients’, the penny should start to drop. It is all about money. Illness and disease mean profits – to drug companies and individuals within the non-holistic health profession.  The more sick people there are, the more money they make.


Further down the proverbial rabbit hole, things become more sinister.  While the manipulation of the ego accounts for the greed and self-serving behaviour of those involved in this conspiracy, (yes, it is), there are deeper layers to the insanity.  Depopulation is one.  There is an agenda, put in place by our ‘overlords’ to drastically reduce the world’s population (they have others also).  These ‘overlords’ are well hidden, but their emissaries organise and control the power structures that run our world – the governments and banks, corporations and industries and they are working to an agenda.  It is obvious, for instance, that the telecoms industry is not only about taking money out of our hands and giving it to those at the top – it is also playing a major part in destroying our health. Two birds with one stone – terrific. No wonder it is so powerful and becoming more so. Cell phone towers are springing up like mushrooms –no environmental consents necessary.  It’s a sick world becoming sicker by the day.


How Can We Not Be Afraid?

It’s bloody scary –when you look at it.  You might choose not to. It’s easier not to. It’s easier to watch TV, have a glass of wine, go shopping. Life isn’t all bad – and distraction has its place. We’d probably go nuts without it.  And from my observation protests and letters to politicians and editors haven’t halted the viral spread of telecoms masts (mechanisms of mind programming, according to some), or for that matter halted anything.  In New Zealand a recent poll showed 89 per cent of those questioned were opposed to a new ‘security’ bill (like the NSA) that was before the house – in effect, giving the government legitimacy to spy (as if they weren’t already).  It passed anyway. The clear majority voice silenced  – yet again. And if that’s the case when the majority is opposed to something – what chance do those of us in the minority have, over issues such as fluoridation in the water??  

But we must not give up. As David Icke continually reminds us, there are more of us than there are of them. We ARE powerful. And yes, I am trying to convince myself as much as you, as I write those words.  Right now, to be completely honest – I feel a deep despair.  A gnawing feeling that these aches and pains, these new sensitivities are the honest response of my body to a bombardment of heavy  and unfamiliar frequencies in the air around me.  We didn’t evolve with these frequencies and our bodies are doing the best they can.  It’s almost impossible to have control over anything anymore. We might drink pure spring water at home, but when we go into town and buy a coffee, we are swallowing a combo of chlorine and fluoride – throwing further out the delicate balance of our biochemistry. Yet we don’t want to be fanatical. This is where we live! We cannot all retreat to the country, out of range of cell phone towers, to enjoy our own safe water and organic veges. No, for the most part we are stuck with it – stuck in this prison without bars.


What Can we Do?

We can write, share, inform ourselves and others.  Waking up is more crucial now than ever. Thankfully, we are seeing an explosion in the numbers of people ‘getting it’ – but there is such a long way to go. As fast as we get it – they are further ahead of us, with their secret technology, their occult manipulation of our innocence. We are played like puppets and it is appalling and distressing to see them continuing to get away with it.  Our freedoms are being swept away while we’re not looking – distracted by the business of living.   I don’t know,  is it not too late??  Can we reverse the cliff-lunging train and save ourselves?   I love hearing from anyone who believes we can. Any suggestions, guidance, advice – are gratefully sought and received and perhaps this is our only hope. Life might be becoming more prison like by the day, with its continuing assaults on our bodies,  minds and spirits, but, you know what, if we wake ourselves out of our apathetic slumber and do something!!!! – we might stop that train from hurtling over the cliff.  We have to believe, and hold to it, that we ARE POWERFUL.  It is just a matter of numbers.  The more of us that wake up, the more impossible it will be for the controllers to dictate our fate. As alluring as distraction may be, it is our lives, and the lives of our children and their children, at stake.  We must inform ourselves about our health and take responsibility for it. It is becoming more of a challenge, but we can find wellness in a sick world. To look to the medical profession to save us from the disease it is inflicting with the other hand, is naïve.  Informed choices and the sharing of information – these are key.  Other than that, we have to stop being afraid and choose love.  Loving ourselves means taking care of ourselves – on all levels. Loving others means taking care of them too. Simple really. Our souls know what we need to do to manifest love, for ourselves and others.  Turn off the distractions and listen to your heart. Follow the path of your heart and give others permission to do the same.  Listen too, to the intelligence of your body – it knows what it needs. Its symptoms are messengers, nothing more, nothing less, don’t ignore them or disguise them with toxic drugs. Respect, love and be thankful for this body you have and this life you are living.  En-JOY it.  It is truly a gift.  Enough preaching.  I’m off to take my own advice.  Much love and blessings all.















Culture is Not your Friend




Culture is not your friend – said Terence McKenna. He was right of course. Our culture is not our friend.  Our culture is the canvas on which we find ourselves trying to paint the picture of who we are. Some seed awareness within, knows we are here to create and to express ourselves. We feel right with the world when we are able to bring who we are to what we do. Yet, for many of us, it is an overwhelming struggle, to be simply, who we are. Our culture, our society, far from supporting us seems to actively thwart us, in our striving to follow the path with heart.  We may give up the fight and join the non-thinking majority, who cannot see beyond the weekend. They might complain about the state of the world, but tacitly accept it, in their compliance.  If we follow this path, there is never any peace.


Those of us whose heart path lies in the ‘shadow professions’ are more at risk than most – as our culture defriends free thinkers and opponents of the status quo. Anything in the shadows is a challenge to the ‘system’ that holds the status quo by withholding and controlling information not supportive of its agenda.  There is a certain ‘protection’ given in the highly subjective art world, as intent is so often veiled. But dare, if your world-view is not aligned with the system’s, to express your thoughts in words or actions, and see how quickly you are marginalised. Whether it be in challenging the ‘official story’ of history that we are told in school, or the stories of world events reported in the mainstream media, or the fabricated stories repeated by the accepted medical, educational and law enforcement authorities.  Challenge these, and see how unfriendly your culture becomes. In short, we live in a culture of lies.  The canvas we are trying to paint the picture of our lives upon is tattered and torn.


Astrology is a shadow profession. Those of us drawn to this ancient, shadowy, artful knowledge system may come to the conclusion my first teacher did – after three decades of working with astrology. He said : “I feel I’ve been imprisoned for 30 years for a crime I didn’t commit.”    Such is the nature of our culture.


Ostracised, alienated, belittled, defriended. For what? For trying to understand the ways of the universe, the nature of reality, the meaning of life. For trying to help others understand themselves and their place in the cosmos, with a view to living happier, more fulfilling, peaceful and healthy lives.  So much easier to paint a pretty picture – or to get an office job.  But to our nature we must be true.


Most forms of alternative healing are marginalised in our culture for exactly the same reason. The system that rules does not want us to heal ourselves. It does not want us to know the truth about who we are. It does not want us to teach others the truth about who we are.  It teaches rather, half truths and lies, and rewards well those who practice the profession of its lie-telling. Challenge the system by sharing the truth and you may find yourself imprisoned – if not literally, then metaphorically. 


It isn’t easy to keep the faith in your chosen path, your path with a heart, if it lies in the shadows – or more simply, outside of mainstream.  It becomes a form of soul abuse to live each day in a place and time where wisdom and freedom of thought are cut down by the ruthless machine that is our culture.  But stay on the heart path we must.  The soul will prevail. The system will not. When we leave this world, all we will take is our love and our knowledge of truth – this will live on in the heart seed and continue with us into subsequent lives, as well as live on in the hearts and minds of those we loved and who have loved us.  This is the truth we must align ourselves with. Everything else in our culture, in the world around us, is finite and will fall away in its own time.


Acknowledge then, and celebrate, the passions of your shadow – whatever they are. True power lives in the shadow – the secret, invisible, unmanifest world. This is the birth place of everything in the visible world. Those in control don’t want you to know this – so they squash and suppress anything remotely esoteric, while secretly using its energy and power for themselves.  Quietly nurture your heart path then, and keep your allegiance to it. You are not imprisoned for a crime you didn’t commit. The prison is outside. It is in the false structures and authorities of maya – the illusionary world we call the real one. Ultimately, truth will prevail and the prison will fall.  In the meantime, we watch the game, maintain our integrity and take heart – meaning, have courage. We can negate the soul abuse inflicted by our culture by staying true to ourselves  – whatever it takes. And remember, we are never alone – there are many of us, flying beneath the radar, living the truth of our shadow world – and we are the whispering winds of change, we are the force that will topple our insipid, shallow, untenable culture. And perhaps, hopefully, one day, culture will again, be our friend.


Our Deepest Purpose



What, if not transformation, is our deepest purpose?

-Rainer Maria Rilke


 One of the reasons we are here, perhaps the most meaningful reason, is to transform ourselves.   But what does that really mean?

 To transform is to change the shape or character of ……. according to my dictionary. I love this definition because it fits so perfectly with my worldview, which, as an evolutionary astrologer, is centred on the evolution of character. This, in other words, is transformation. This is our deepest purpose.  And it is a lifetime’s work. 

 The question then becomes, how do we go about this process of transformation? And it clearly is a process – taking the raw material of youthful and unformed character and, through the gradual acquisition of knowledge and experience over the passage of time – moulding and perfecting it. We are all involved in the work of integrating aspects of our characters and taking them to the higher ground. And boy, are we up against it there!

 The world we have been born into seems designed to make things as challenging as it can for us. 

We arrive here equipped for physical survival – which means we are hardwired to see the world around us as threatening. We are born into fear.  This is not all bad, but it does mean we learn to live on our nerves. When you think about it, all the stresses we feel can be related back to one fear or another.  Not only does ‘the system’ program us (through its insistence on consumerism and competition) to exist in a state of continual background fear and anxiety, but it is simultaneously bombarding us with assault after assault of pollutants – chemical and emotional.  All of this undermines our health and well-being, on every level. 

 As we know, everything has a frequency. We have a frequency that evolved along with the frequency of our planet Earth.  Our frequency is compatible with the Earth’s that means.  Natural food, clean water and air – all have a frequency that is harmonious with our own.  But as most of us reading this are well aware, this is a situation that is becoming increasingly more difficult to sustain. Our food, our water and our air are all being contaminated with pollutants. The frequencies, or energy fields we are taking into our bodies, in the form of our food, water and the air we breathe, are disharmonious, chaotic, and disruptive. They disrupt our physical body, and our mental and emotional bodies, through altering our biochemistry. We are vulnerable, multi-dimensional beings, and we are now being assaulted on all levels of our being.  This being human is becoming increasingly more challenging as ‘the system’ – controlled obviously by a force that does not have our best interests at heart, accelerates its unspeakable agenda.

 Sourcing pure, organic food and clean, unfluoridated (!) water can be a mission.  (I travel 30 km to an artesian water spring, in order avoid fluoridated tap water  – and I’m lucky I know to have this resource).  It takes time to read labels in the supermarket – but we need to, now more than ever. In short, our health depends on our knowledge. We need to educate ourselves – and time is not on our side.

 It isn’t only our food and water – if we live in an urban area, how can we avoid the electromagnetic smog that fills the airwaves?  The frequencies being emitted by technology, cell phone towers, mobile phones, wifi, microwaves, x-rays, and heaven help us, smart meters (!) can be nigh on impossible to escape from.  These frequencies are steadily undermining our cellular integrity – of that there is little doubt.  It is hard not to despair.

 And that is the biggest challenge.  Overcoming our despair, our fear, our heartbreak – when we see the pain and insanity in the world, through taking back our power – is how we transform it.

 In astrology, Pluto is the transformer.  This planetary body is associated with not only transforming, and healing, but it is also about all things dark. It symbolizes the shadow, that which is hidden – whether it be psychologically, or on another level, physically. Pluto’s domain is the invisible.  This is relevant because as members of the human race, we all have Pluto somewhere in our psyche. If astrological terminology puts you off, replace the word Pluto with wound.  We all have individual wounds to heal, and we all share in the collective wounds of humanity.  At some point, the two merge into one – and it seems we are at that point.  Society’s disease has become our disease.

 If we are on a mission to transform and heal ourselves, then transforming our world is part and parcel of that.  This ‘change in form’ is as much about changing the ‘state of the world’ – disintegrating as it appears to be around us, as it is about changing our inner world. When we change inwardly, the outer form changes too. Our integrity (wholeness) and the integrity of our world are at heart one and the same.   Overcoming our despair then depends on us waking up, and helping each other to wake up.  That is, we need to grow our awareness, our consciousness  – to realize that we are all individual cells in the one body of humanity – a body that is looking pretty sick right now.  But we each have the power to change that.  The cells in the human body work together for the good of a whole – the rogue cancer cell, an example of the exception. This is what we must do as individual cells in the body called humanity.  It is imperative that we see the bigger picture and realize that the healing of our society and our planet must come from our cooperation. This is what happens in the body – 50 trillion cells cooperate to maintain the healthy functioning of the system. As we heal our individual wounds and become whole in body and mind, the world around us will be healed. It is our apathy, our ignorance and the firewalls of our beliefs that must be transformed.  There is no power in maintaining the status quo. The only power is in healing and transformation.

 Here then are some humbly offered suggestions, to help your transformation……And all power to you!


–           Inform yourself.  Read as widely as you can on the subject of natural heath and healing,  (The time for trusting your health to outside authorities has long past), and what is happening in the world (you can’t trust the mainstream media to tell you the truth on anything of importance).

–           Share information.  Keep talking and sharing your experiences and discoveries re the above, with others. Sign petitions. Write letters to editors and emails to TV stations.

–           Take care of your health by not vaccinating your children or yourself, drinking fluoridated water, eating GMO containing foods, eating processed foods, talking too long on cell phones, living in a continuous wi-fi environment, using microwaves and smart metres, living close to cell phone towers, over-using pharmaceuticals or other drugs.

–           Clear your emotional body. Learn techniques, such as breath and body work to release heavy, low vibratory emotions from your system. Live as much as possible in the NOW.

–           Move your body.  Do physical exercise on a regular basis – even if it is just walking, or gardening. Particularly if it is walking or gardening. Take up yoga.

–          Make time to just be. Each day take some time to meditate or just sit and let your thoughts be still. Be in nature for your ‘just be’ time, whenever you can. This resets your internal clock to timelessness – the opposite state to that in which we normally live.

–          Connect with animals and nature.  And realize the life-force in all things. Minimise consumption of animals and animal products.

–          Look within. Consider having your evolutionary astrology chart done, or other technique that connects you with your own psyche and the energies you are working with in this life.  Knowledge is power. Power is transformation.

–          Drink green juices.  Blend organic fruits and greens and drink often.

–          Do what you love.  You are utterly unique and that is enough. Whatever you love doing is what you are here to do. Create. Express yourself – and most of all ENJOY your days.  You never know when they will be up.







In my last post I looked at how the ego is an aspect of our totality that defines and distinguishes us as separate individuals. The ego, in astrology, is symbolized in the Sun. We say the Sun is our ‘individuality’, our ‘essence’ – the fuel that drives us. We must ‘feed our Sun’ if we want to live lives of passion and purpose.   We are here to create, and to create, we need to unearth our self-expression. The ego is the energy that drives this mission, to express our uniqueness, to create – something  in the world. Whether we are creating a family and a home, or producing great works of art or literature is irrelevant. The infinite doesn’t care what we are creating – only that we do.

 But this is just one way of defining the ego. While I have been influenced by astrology, I am aware that there are other schools of thought regarding the ego.  One is that the ego is the mind in disguise – and the mind is not our friend.   Does that sound surprising? We might think that our mind makes us who we are, and that we are conscious (as in self-conscious) beings, because of our thoughts.  But this may not be the case. Our thoughts are different from our ideas – which come as new, and often creative bursts of consciousness. Thoughts on the other hand are those old tapes that endlessly play, in the form of mental chatter. This is the actually the mind. And you might agree with me when I make the suggestion that most of the time, this mind is not our friend.  In fact, life can feel like a constant internal battle – us, versus ourselves. That is, our conscious self, versus our sub-conscious self. The mind and thoughts are the domain of the subconscious. Our creativity (ideas) comes from the higher mind, or conscious (self-conscious) awareness.  The subconscious relates (in part) to the reptilian brain and this has been referred to as birthplace of the ego.   Our higher consciousness, on the other hand, relates to the prefrontal cortex – a more recent development in the story of human evolution.

 How then, do we reconcile these two streams of thought?  How can the ego be in two places at once?  Is it the guardian and driver of our creative individuality, or is it the voice of the lower mind, the subconscious tape player – constantly undermining us with its theme of fear?  That the ego trades in fear is not hard to see. Fear of not surviving is a powerful force and one that is hardwired into us – we come into the world well equipped to protect ourselves physically. Later we use fear, or it uses us, to protect ourselves emotionally as well. It is the ego that makes us compete with others, and to fight, if need be, for our survival.  It is the ego that prizes life so highly, that we go to great lengths to avoid death. Death is the ego’s oldest adversary and as long as we fear death, believing life and the preservation of it to be paramount, we are living in the ego’s world. 

 They say the great truths in life are always paradoxical.  The ego, when we look at it from these two quite distinct angles,  is paradoxical.  Here is my attempt at reconciliation…

 We live in a system where duality rules. For everything there is an opposite. It is just how things are in this virtual reality. It is part of the rule-set here. As such, we have a this/or that mentality. Things have to be one thing or the other, conscious-subconscious, inside-outside, heart-mind  – which is why we find paradoxes so disconcerting. In the case of the ego, there is a blurring of boundaries. This or that becomes this and that.  We can look at it in this way: the ego is an energy field (as all things are) whose job is to fuel our growth and evolution.   The ego itself is evolving – in and through us, just as we are evolving in and through the larger consciousness system.  Early on in our evolutionary story the energy of the ego – housed (for want of a better word) in the reptilian brain, helps us ‘stay alive’. Later, when we’ve been around the wheel a few times, we move out of survival mode into creative mode.  Ego energy now not only helps us stay alive, it helps us define our individuality and motivates us to express it in the world.  It encompasses (survival) and transcends it (creativity). All evolution works this way: encompass and transcend.

 As we grow our consciousness, we come to understand that we are not separate at all. We are part of the collective body called humanity – and, vitally, we are infinite, immortal aspects of a higher consciousness system. As such, the old fight to preserve our individuality, and indeed our lives themselves, dissipates.  It is replaced with a desire to create connections with others, and to strengthen the bonds that link us one to the other.  At the same time, we see that our individuality is our gift to the collective. It is one of the reasons we are here.  Our ego is then employed in the task of uncovering our uniqueness, finding and expressing who we really are.  The wisdom teachings and spiritual literature talks of ‘relinquishing the  ego’. I see this as a relinquishing of the mind – or, more specifically, the thoughts that come from the subconscious mind.  This mind (as distinct from the higher consciousness mind) is a remnant of the primitive ego, whose job was to keep us alive. The old tapes are still playing because the subconscious does not distinguish between the past and the future.  It operates in the now – playing scripts from past lives and from redundant episodes in this one, as if they were still relevant.  Our task is to let go of this mind, drop the thoughts and channel the ego’s energy into conscious creative self-expression and connection with other life forms – nature, animals, people.  We are here to create and to grow and evolve our consciousness and our ego, friend, foe, either, or, both,  is part of the package.   It’s all just a ride we are on – a cosmic ride. Well-seasoned egos, evolved egos are able to see ‘reality’ for the illusion it is, and to laugh at the seriousness with which we  take ourselves and our lives.   Don’t worry if you are not there yet, if life still feels scary and fear of not surviving looms too large. Rather, accept and allow yourself to be exactly where you are. Little by little, the bigger picture will make itself known and you will move out of survival consciousness. Your ego, have faith, is a work in progress. Decide to stop listening to the mind and its thoughts. Stand aside in your awareness and watch the game your ego is playing. See if you can smile at it.  And above all, every day, remember to enjoy the ride!









How much ego?



How much ego is left with you??  The question came to me recently from a young man in Germany.

“You don’t have to answer this question if it feels personal to you or it you don’t want,” he said.

“When you read spiritual books, most of them are written from somebody who gives you the impression that the author has already left the ego behind completely….”

And then he went on to ask more questions……

“I am interested in your story…… maybe other readers of your blog would also be interested?”

Thank you Johannes for your interest and just because you may be right, (I know I am always interested in the spiritual journeys of others) – here is  my response….blogged. 


How much ego is left with you? Jeepers, it’s more than difficult to be objective when it comes to oneself and the ego, but I’ll try.  I think my ego is probably stronger, or perhaps that should be healthier, now (at 52) than it ever was. !  Not very ‘spiritual’ right?  We’re told to ‘release the ego’ in much of the spiritual literature.  Then let me explain myself.  I am a Pisces Sun and generally, we Pisces Suns do not have particularly powerful egos (and then I immediately think of Rupert Murdoch and question that……BUT, I suspect much of his motivation comes as a compensatory mechanism – in other words, a fragile ego masquerading as a powerful one).   But of course I am much more than a Pisces Sun. I am the product of my parentage, my upbringing and my conditioning.  I am also a product of the trauma and wounding I sustained in former existences. I’m not alone there. Look at the bloody history of humankind on this planet. We have all suffered in the past. And we are all trying to heal (become whole) those wounds.

 As a child I felt too sensitive. I worried about things, didn’t sleep well, I cried too easily.  Coming home from my nana’s where I’d stayed over the school holidays, I would cry in bed, thinking of her all  by herself now, feeling, or imagining her pain – the pain of her aloneness. I’d cry about animals being hurt, or anyone being hurt.  I had six weeks in hospital (Pisces place) at the age of three, when a fishbone (Pisces thing) became lodged in my windpipe, necessitating two surgeries.  Apart from remembrances of the hole in my throat from the tracheotomy, cruel nurses telling me to ‘cough!’  as they shoved tubes down into the hole, my parents passing a doll into the oxygen tent, being wheeled to theatre and panicking as a mask came down over my nose and mouth – the overwhelmingly painful memory sees my mother walking away down the corridor, leaving me,  ‘visiting hour’ being over and screaming for her. Then they came with an injection.

 Naturally enough, I was a ‘mummy’s girl’ and ran away from kindergarten a year later, chasing her car down the road. I felt homesick to the point of tears whenever I was away from her and home.

Fragile – yes, you could say that.  As my evolutionary astrologer teacher Steven Forrest said, when summing up my approach to  life (gleaned from his reading of my natal chart) –  “Maximum trauma (the past) meets maximum sensitivity (the present).  You have lived this life like a deer in the headlights.”   Immobilised by fear, in other words;  living a memory of past trauma . With a Pisces South Node, exactly  opposed to Pluto and conjunct Chiron  (for those astrologers out there) and  a Pisces Sun, the picture of maximum sensitivity is not hard to see.

 So, that background to help connect the dots.  Ego, or our individuality, in astrology, is generally seen in the Sun sign and its position, though in evolutionary astrology, we look deeper. It feels to me, that Steven was right. So where is my ego now, in all of this?   As I said earlier, it feels stronger  at this age, than it once did. And by this I mean my sense of self feels stronger. I think this is largely a product of getting older. We become, especially after the Chiron Return at age 50, more sure of ourselves and what we want in life. We are less apologetic about what we are not, and less afraid to be who we are.  At the same time, weirdly, I feel that my sensitivity is as intact as it ever was. I still cry just as easily when I witness others’ pain, or feel it myself, and I still feel too much fear. I still experience  huge grief when I lose people I love – even temporarily – as in my kids leaving home. Death! Don’t even talk about it.  At times this grief is overwhelming – just as it was when my mother had to leave me, in the hands of those cruel nurses, all by myself,  little more than a baby.  But now I know this sensitivity IS who I am.  I have this Piscean sensitivity for a reason.   I believe all of us are embodying a very particular and unique energetic pattern (which we attempt to read in the natal chart), and the reason we are here has a lot to do with our choices in working (creating) with this energy pattern.  We are so unique it’s bizarre. But rather than celebrate our uniqueness and love ourselves for being who we are, we spend great chunks of our lives comparing ourselves to others. We feel less than. Less attractive, less talented, less in all sorts of ways. We can’t be happy and joy-full, when we are feeling less. Thus, we miss out on the love-filled experience life should be. We need to love ourselves first.   I’m still working on that one – I love my cats more than myself (!) 

 So Johannes, your question is an interesting one. I have explored the ‘spiritual’ side of life since my teenage years and here I am at this advanced age (joke) – and still I feel exactly the same inside, in terms of my feelings – which implies my ego is still fragile. I’ve never suffered from an over-inflated ego – rather the opposite has been my cross to bear – an under-functioning sense of self-worth.  (I’m not sure which is worse). The ebbs and flows of my sensitivities continue to dominate my life and I am reluctant to ‘put myself out there.’  At the same time, and this is paradoxical I realize, I do feel my ego is more resilient these days.  I think this is so because I am able to feel what I feel, to experience the intensity of my compassion and the pain of my sensitivity and at the same time to see it all in a larger way. I am able to stand a little aside – even in the middle of feeling excruciating emotional pain. If we can detach just a fraction, from whatever emotion we are experiencing, we know that our emotions are not who we are. They are moving through us, they are telling us something, opening our hearts and minds to an awareness – of our shared journey here, our interconnectedness, our common humanity. We experience our emotions in order to grow our awareness, our consciousness. I think it may be that simple.  Our egos are that part of us that cause us to feel separate. And it is in our separateness that we find our uniqueness.  Expressing our individuality and allowing ourselves to be who we are is how we develop healthy egos.   I don’t believe we are here to relinquish or squash our egos out of existence.   Living our uniqueness is one of the reasons we are here – to embody that utterly individual energy that is our essence.  As we step more fully into allowing ourselves to be who we are, to create as our one-off personality  would have us create, and to live unapologetically as who we are – we naturally discard all those fear-driven insecurities that make us feel less.  We don’t need to be anything other than who we are.  We don’t need to feel less. THIS, to me, is a healthy ego.   I certainly don’t feel I am ready to let go or surrender my ego. I don’t think I could even if I wanted to –because I’m still in the process of finding out who my ego wants me to be (yes, it’s taken a while).  I still feel fear, insecurity, low self-worth, I still measure and compare myself, I still feel I haven’t achieved what I might have. So I know my ego is not there with me yet. But more and more I don’t care about all of that.  I realize it doesn’t matter. I’m allowed to be, and I’m happy here, now, to be, just who I am – a work in progress. 

 I think I will leave Johannes’ other questions for another day…


I’d love to hear your thoughts on the ego – so please do share, if you’d like to.





I have loved, and I have been loved

And all the rest is just background music.

-Estelle Ramey


The heart rule we explored in the last chapter underscores a universal law – the past does NOT equal the future.  You have the power within you to create a life that is different from the one you have been living. This means, you need to shift your attention away from the past and put it into the power of now. Away from the background music and into the love!

If you are one who has cried, cursed, and lamented your past ad infinitum, given free reign to blame, regret, remorse, guilt, bitterness – then it is time to stay STOP! It is time to re-direct your life by refocusing.

 First you may need to engage in a little introspection. If you want to change your life and have relationships that are happy and enduring, you are going to do so by changing your thoughts.  Attention is everything. Where it goes, you go. Changing your thoughts means thinking about what you are thinking about! Catch yourself. Remember, what you are thinking is creating your reality. Therefore, you need to go to the root of what you are thinking and the energy you are sending out into the world.  What, for example, do you think of yourself?

 If we were told we were never good enough, useless, a waste of space, then we grow up believing that to be true. We then act out of that belief and draw to ourselves events, people and experiences that confirm our thoughts about ourselves. These are called pathogenic beliefs, meaning they are life destroying. The vital point is, change requires consciousness and consciousness requires us to examine our belief systems.  We must look at the patterns of our lives to be able to discern the beliefs that have created (and continue to create) our reality.

 Pathogenic beliefs that are left simmering under the surface of our consciousness eventually create havoc in our physical bodies. Disease and ill health are imbalances that come about through blockages. Beliefs create blockages.  We quarantine emotional and psychological pain in some body part – but always, the body is the last port of call.  Blockages first appear in our luminous body, or astral or emotional body. 

 Most of us are unconscious of the beliefs that are behind our real life dramas. Pathogenic beliefs are formed in childhood – although they are often evident in the birth chart, which means we came in with these patterns. Childhood events merely crystallize them, or become the prototypical events on which they are hung.  As we enter adulthood, relationships become the vehicle through which we revisit these pathogenic beliefs. Ultimately, the intent of meeting our painful memories (unconscious they may be) through our relationships, is positive. Oftentimes it is only when we meet our beliefs embodied in another person, that we see them for the first time. Our partners enact those split-off-and-relegated-to-the-shadow parts of ourselves that are running beneath the surface of our conscious minds. We cannot release them until we become acquainted with them.


The ‘shadow’, a term first coined by Carl Jung,  is that part of us which is unconscious and becomes the repository for aspects of our psyche which we have disowned. These could be painful experiences that as a young person we lacked the maturity to integrate at the time; or they can be characteristics which we do not accept or want to admit we possess. We assign them to the shadow – and then, inevitably, we wind up meeting them in the people which whom we form intimate relationships.  Remember, the intelligence that designed and runs the cosmos has an interest in you becoming whole (integrated). Healing your internal fractures and living more creatively and compassionately is becoming whole. We do this through ‘relating consciously’. In this state, we make conscious choices – rather than just act out our early recordings.

 “When I began seeing a therapist at age 19, he said, ‘Tell me about your mother and father.’ Well, that’s an original question from a therapist, I thought derisively. I learned that those relationships really do matter – not to blame but to understand, so that we are free to consider new choices.”   –Dean Ornish, Love & Survival, 138.

Becoming conscious of our beliefs then, is key to change. As we do, we are given the opportunity to become more intimate with ourselves – and then, with others.

 Some people are pathologically unacquainted with themselves. We all know these people. They do the blame thing quite happily – and for obvious reasons. As long as they are blaming others, their emotional energy is all used up. It saves them having to experience the angst of looking into themselves, at their part in things.  It’s always ‘out there’, the other person’s fault. It can be a very frightening thing to confront the shadow and these people are generally not very courageous.

 These are the types (not reading this blog – since they are not generally open to consciousness raising material), who suffer the most in life. They are victims of their own lack of awareness. You are not one of those people!

 So, while the past does not equal the future, it can be valuable and worthwhile to spiral back around to it, in order to raise yourself to the next level. Acknowledge to yourself that you – and your partner, or prospective partner – have many buttons from past pain, and they are just waiting to be pressed. Enter into the past in a spirit of exploration and curiosity, with the intent of becoming more aware of what really drives you. Give up playing and re-playing the victim role. It’s old energy.

 Focusing exclusively on what you did or didn’t do – or on what was done or not done to you, is only going to bring you more of the same. This is because we attract to ourselves exactly what we think about. Scary! But this is how our beliefs create our reality. We give attention to our ideas of what constitutes ‘reality’ and then get to live out those thoughts in the flesh.  If our beliefs are not life affirming, we can find ourselves playing a tragic role, as victim, abused or abuser – one that we have no idea we scripted ourselves!  Who needs that??


…(to be continued)….



 True contact is the essence of relationship. It is not just sex I’m talking about here (although that is part of it). Real, heart-to-heart contact connects us at a core level, with the centre of another. The feeling generated by this contact is pure spirit!  It is above and beyond the body, but at the same time deeply dependent on the body. We need the separateness of our physicality to be able to merge with another – and in doing so link with the essential oneness that is the true nature of life.

 To reiterate, the ultimate force in the universe is the attractive force of love. The true heart of love is connection. Our ability to make deep, meaningful contact with another person is concomitant on the level of spiritual awareness, or consciousness, we have. There is a direct correlation between our psychological maturity (the ability to have broken down our defences and projections) and our spiritual awareness. 

 If you are even slightly open, you will resonate with the idea that the true heart of love is connection. That is because we all know , in the space inside us, that connection is what we all crave. The feeling we get when we make deep, stirring contact, or connection with another person is the feeling of spiritual oneness. This is the basis of the language of the heart.

 It’s a kind of circular ride we’re on. The universal symbol of the spiral, found throughout all cultures and everywhere patterned in nature, is symbolic of the ever upward and expanding cycles which mark the passages of our lives. As our consciousness expands, we move upwards to greater and greater levels of feeling and connection with all of life. We heal ourselves through love and we move up into another cycle. Relationships, as we know, wound as deftly as they heal.  But all of it provides opportunities to learn and grow our characters.


The Emotional Body……….Another piece of the puzzle

Here is another crunch: We come together in body and mind – but our ‘emotional body’ carries a lineage that can be overwhelmingly difficult to fathom, let alone live with!  When you are in a relationships with someone, it is not just the body in the bed, but even more important, their ‘emotional body’ that you are merging with.

 What I am saying is, you are vastly more complex emotionally, than you may realize. The experiences you have lived through, in this life  and all those that went before, have left their imprint on the gossamer tissue of the emotional body. This ‘body’ (the astral body by another name) has, through time, become attached to you. It is the ‘stick-em’ that accompanies your Soul from lifetime to lifetime.  In this lifetime the scars from old emotional pain and trauma settle into the physical body, where they can quietly reside for years. They are locked in because of the energetic patterning created by the emotional body. Locked into various systems of the body these little pockets of emotional gunk clog up the free-flowing energy pathways that allow the life-force to move through us. The consequences of this are not insignificant. Disease and illness invariably have their origins in emotional/psychological imbalances. Sickness is the call of the body to wake up to these imbalances.

 You do have it in you to unstick yourself – but for now, the important thing is to recognize that it is this legacy, this history, this ‘stuff’, that trips you up more often than you know. You don’t have to stress about this. It’s a matter of awareness.  Consciousness is like a light. When we become conscious, the light goes on and the darkness disappears. Evil is a bit of a heavy old word for ‘lack of light’. This is what evil really is – an absence or lack of the light of consciousness.  When we are conscious of how our thoughts and behaviours impact on others and how they are creating the very fabric of our own lives, we naturally turn away from negative thoughts and actions.


Until you can understand that nothing can happen to you,

nothing can ever come to you or be kept from you,

except in accord with your state of consciousness,

you do not have the key to life.

–          Paul Twitchell


For too long we have been stumbling about in the darkness where our relationships are concerned. We’ve ranted and raved and blamed and wept tears of self-pity. It is hard to admit that the break-ups were anything to do with us! Well, apart from picking the wrong person that is. Yes, this is stumbling in the dark. We’ve been completely unaware of our own power, and our responsibility in creating the situations we’ve lived through. We’ve disempowered ourselves and we’ve been disempowered.

 The word power has come to be seriously misused – and in truth, misunderstood.  True power does not wear the brash, ‘here’s me’, ‘I’m beautiful/rich/powerful’ face you might think. No, true power is way more subtle.  It does not advertise itself. It lies quietly enfolded in the heart.  It is more of the spirit than the body. True power is the power of love – and this is the force that runs the cosmos.  When we become aware that that same power  is within us we can detach from the emotional reside of the past and live quietly powerful lives. This is what Gary Zukav talked about in The Seat of the Soul:

Power is not the ability to exert your will upon another person.  There is no inner security in that kind of power. That is an attribute of time and as time changes, that changes too…….If you are not at home in the world, you live in the fear of one who can never truly relax and enjoy life.  Is this power? There is no power in fear. The armies of Rome disappeared more than a millennia ago, but the force of a single human that Roman soldiers put to death continues to shape the development of our species. Who had the power?”

Our quest is to recover real, authentic power. This is the power we hold to shape our own lives. We are not victims – or rather, we no longer have to be victims to those who would put us in this place. When we connect with real power, the power of the heart, our lives change.


Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:

The soul that rises with us, our life’s star,

Hath had elsewhere its setting,

And cometh from afar….

-William Wordsworth


We can say that love, in its broadest sense, which is the ‘force of attraction’, is the primary mover of life on Earth. Like microscopic particles, we are driven towards union. And one of the reasons we are, is to discover who we are – and – to heal our wounds.  But why are we all so wounded, and where did all these wounds come from?


It seems illogical to assume that everything we are, originated in this lifetime. As an evolutionary astrologer, my philosophy embraces a belief in the continuation of the Soul over many lifetimes. How else can we rationalise vast inequities that exist between people?  Why are some ‘lucky in love’ while others struggle with relationships their whole lives? Why are some struck by tragedy and others seem to live lives of relative easy? Really fair that.


It would seem reasonable to assume that those who have an easier time of it may have earned more karmic credits. Their lives are easier because they’ve passed the tests and paid their dues. But the spiritual literature suggests the reverse may be true. More advanced souls may in fact choose lives that appear more difficult, more challenging.  Because their spiritual muscles are well developed they may be better equipped to take on harder tasks in successive lives. From our perspective this seems bizarre – why would anyone willingly take on a lifetime of great difficulty?


The point here is – our perspective is a limited one.  From a spiritual standpoint, life is a very different scenario. It seems likely that we do consciously select different ‘lessons’ to work on through our various lives. Some lives we may be working on developing patience, or compassion. In others we may be learning about poverty, or the power of great wealth, or beauty. A lifetime as a cripple or handicapped person may be teaching valuable gems of wisdom around the deeper meaning of love and self-sacrifice – for the caregivers as much as the impaired person.  Entwined in all of this is the story of our karma.  Karma is best not to be viewed as a punishment, but rather as a mechanism of the universal intelligence designed to balance our Souls.  This is part of the mystery. Behind the mystery, is the grand design.


Chaos theory holds that within apparent chaos, there is always order. There is a pattern. Nothing is random. So if the nature of life itself is order – despite it’s apparent chaos at times – it is incorrect to think that the ‘fate’ of one’s birth is random. The only answer that makes any real sense is the continuation of the Soul over many lifetimes: or reincarnation.  Incidentally, some of the world’s greatest thinkers have believed in reincarnation:  Leo Tolstoy, Blake, Emerson, Walt Whitman, Isaac Newton, Da Vinci. 


As we spin through countless lives on the planet, we have a chance to experience it all : beauty, frailty, wealth, disempowerment, passion, loneliness, betrayal, anger, patience, compassion, selfishness, oppression……. Every emotion, we get to sample.  We are free to choose our emotional responses, as we learn that we can.


Chaos demands to be recognized and experienced

Before letting itself be converted into a new order.

-Herman Hesse


Don’t lose heart then, if your life feels without purpose, and at times utter chaos prevails. There is a purpose and a plan, and whether it feels like it or not, everything that happens to you is about taking you to the next level.  You are evolving through all the seeming insignificant choices and random events, including the painful ones, which take you through your days. Your life is meaningful and inutterably valuable.  Awakening to the truth of the greatness and value of your life is the quantum leap you make in becoming a conscious co-creator.  When you realize how precious your life is, and what an incredible opportunity this lifetime is giving you, life changes. You know on the deepest level that your ‘accidents of fate’ are not accidents. Your meetings and involvements with others are not by chance. You are travelling together for a purpose. However long or short a time, it is always in aid of your healing and your growth.  Life is really quite an adventure!


It is beyond the scope of this book to go into more detail on reincarnation, but there are many good books on the subject.  Dr Brian Weiss’s books Many Lives, Many Masters and  Only Love is Real , would be a good place to start. 


Great hearts steadily send forth the secret forces that

Incessantly draw great events.

R. W. Emerson


As the ‘Law of Attraction’ states – we are each and every one of us creating our lives moment by moment, by virtue of the thoughts we are sending out.  Our thoughts and feelings are the secret forces which are quietly creating our lives. We have created our own fate (or karma) and we are , moment by moment, making more of it. Where we find ourselves today is nothing more or less than the manifestation of our thought and feeling energy in the past.


But the essential point here is, we are NOT compelled to keep living out the patterns we have karmically set in action.  That we do so at all is because we do not know any better. We ‘create’ our lives by default. Being unaware that our choices are taking us either closer to love, or closer to fear, we act unconsciously and our inferior choices create in kind. Our creations may come packaged in the form of ‘bad luck’ – bearing no resemblance to anything that we could possibly have said or done. But believe it or not, that betraying partner was beamed on in to us compliments of our own vibrational energy.  I know that sounds heartless – but the ‘God Force’ is impartial.  It is so much easier to blame fate, as if it was something removed from us. Yet, we attracted this person through our own vibratory resonance – in order to learn something, or, to balance karma. The bottom line is: we create our own reality.


Hint of Future Attractions

Here’s the deal – through raising our vibrational energy, we can cut through any negative karma. We can terminate any negative effects of erroneous thinking in the past. How? Through re-directing our thoughts and feelings. You might well be thinking ‘easier said than done’, and you would be right. The hold the ego has over most people is strong and changing patterns of thought requires a high level of consciousness. In other words, it means we have to wake up to our natures!  If we want to put an end to our unhappiness and pain, this is what we must do. And if you have the heart for it, you can attract, along with the perfect partner, everything else you desire – so long as it supports the evolutionary intention of yourself and the larger consciousness system! Doing so means you need to put the energy in;  the thought and feeling energy. There will always be challenges, because that is the nature of life: we are on a mission to evolve. But when we wake up to our true natures, we will more smoothly and easily meet those challenges.


Given then, that we come to this life, not as a blank slate, but as a repository of experience, wisdom, learning and suffering – the composite of all our thought patterns of eons, we can appreciate the fact that the person we bring to our relationships is very much more than meets the eye.  Likewise, the person we make the choice to enter into a relationship with  is also a pot-pourri of emotions, fears, insecurities, wounds, as well as talents, gifts and other attractions.


Because of this legacy we carry, our psychology is inherently flawed.  That is, our psyche (Soul) is incomplete.  It is incomplete, or fractured, because of the wounds we have sustained through our countless lives.  Our task is to heal these and to refine our characters in the process.


Leaving aside entirely the territory of past lives, the wounds of childhood generate plethora of psychological defences which we carry through into adult life – in many cases, suffering from them for the duration of our lives. Even if we had blissfully happy childhoods (very few of us did, surprisingly) – at some point later on, life can beat up on us. We may marry someone who turns out to be an abuser. We may have a traumatic accident. At some point we will suffer the grief of losing someone we love dearly.  They all leave their scars.


As it turns out, intimate relationships provide us with a point of entry into our deepest, darkest selves. Intimate relationships, as we know, have the potential to generate wounds – as in the abusive relationship. But the more spiritually aware, or conscious we become, the easier it is to step back and see how we have drawn to us the particular partner we have. We are then able to dismantle the defences and projections that we have unknowingly brought with us into our relationships. It is these psychological defences that have prevented us from truly merging, and connecting with others. This means that our task, if we want to experience heaven on earth (deep intimacy is the closes we get to that), is to identify and overcome these defences. To do so, we must become more conscious. 



Timeless Aging




Time, in our corner of the universe, seems to be running the show.  Our lives are controlled by the clock. Everything we do is dictated by the time – of the day, the week, month, year. We look in the mirror and see the physical effects of time on our faces.  When we hit the 50 mark, life suddenly seems to be running out. Along with our youth, beauty and virility, opportunities and the excitement of wondering what the future holds , seem to be fading fast. 


I’m not wanting to put a negative slant on all of this – but the reality is, time is running out, for all of us.  We are all on our way to a date, sometime in the future, that has our name and death notice pinned to it.


This is just how it is, in this virtual reality we know as life, where time rules.  Is there anything we can do to minimise (if not eliminate!) the domination of time – and its scary face, ageing, on our lives?  That sounds like a big ask. First we need to dismantle, and reconstruct our idea of what time really is.   David Icke has written extensively on this subject, and I’m going to borrow some words, from his latest book Remember Who You Are…. I hope he wont mind:

“…..Like ‘space’, there is no ‘time’. It is simply information encoded into the waveform fabric on the Universe which we decode as time. The way we decode it dictates how  fast or slow ‘time’ appears to ‘pass’.  Information on a software disk can appear on the computer screen as pictures that seem to have space and time. The sequence moves from stage to stage and it seems like ‘time’ is moving forward. The scenes appear to have distance and perspective. But all of this is only information on a disk being read by the computer. This is what we do with regard to ‘space’ and ‘time’. When scientists talk about ‘space-time’ of the ‘space-time continuum’, they are talking about something akin to a computer game being decoded to appear as ‘space’ and ‘time’.  It is all an illusion…..”


Hmm.  Amazing how real these illusions can feel.  Icke goes on to talk about time as being a loop. Ancient societies knew it was a loop; that the universe moves through a sequence and returns back to the start. “The ‘Time Loop’ is the holographic level of perception as we decode information in the NOW into an apparent sequence of events. It would look like a ‘loop’ if you could see the whole thing in the holographic realm. But the holographic is only a decoded projection of the waveform information construct and this information does  not ‘move in a circle’; it vibrates in the NOW.”  We are experiencing a small portion of the loop (our lifetimes) and so it seems we are moving from past to future.  A useful analogy is a DVD of a movie. The part you are watching, is your present life. The parts you have already watched, is the past and the parts yet to come, the future. But you can hold the DVD in your hand and the entire story is there.  It is the same with our lives –  it is all happening NOW. According to Icke, the ‘time loop’ is a hack.  Oneness is our primal state and it is beyond time and space, it exists in the ever present NOW. At some stage in our evolutionary history (the ‘fall’ of man), the time-space firewall was inserted into the program and we became ensnared in the control mechanism of time.  I wonder though, if there is an evolutionary purpose to this………


We have both a human self and a timeless self (my upcoming book goes into this in detail).  We have been programmed to focus on our human beingness, and to deny our timeless beingness –  and the time hack was largely how it was done.  With the timeless self sacrificed (for the agenda of the unmentionables), we lost our innate connection with Universal Consciousness  -or Oneness, or the Infinite, or whatever you choose to call it.   It is THIS awareness, that of the timeless self, we must reclaim if we want to release ourselves from the hard and heavy grip of ‘father time’ (Saturn). This is the quest of quests. Spiritual adepts, Shamans and ordinary people with a sense of the extra-ordinary have been on this path for eons. But it is not easy, and I do not make the suggestion lightly – because to all intents and purposes, the task seems impossible.


For one thing, our bodies are clearly moving in this time sequence, reminding us of it, even as we would try to deny it to ourselves, through the increasing appearance of lines and wrinkles,  thinning skin, new aches and pains, greying hair and declining energy levels (even if we do eats lots of plants and do yoga)!   Ageing isn’t pretty, and it isn’t for the faint-hearted.  No matter how we might try to convince ourselves, and our contemporaries, that beauty is on the inside – there is no getting away from the fact that it isn’t just our looks that are going! Some days it can feel as if we are losing everything……  The kids leave home, our health declines, our job goes, people we love die, our parents die, we feel redundant on so many levels. We read of enlightened spiritual masters, meditators of many decades, who still ended up dying painfully of cancer. If their equanimity and peace of mind didn’t let them off the hook, what hope is there for us?


Ahh but do you see what I am saying here?  At the risk of pointing out the obvious, it is the body  that gets cancer, the body that loses all its attachments, the body who dies. The timeless self,  that part of us beyond the firewall, does not.  The timeless self is forever connected to our loved ones. Our timeless self contains the essence of who we are (as opposed to the identity we have constructed and been conditioned into) and will store this seed of our talents, gifts, karma, for future experiences in human form.   Those enlightened masters who die of cancer, in pain, are not suffering.  They have awareness of their true nature, beyond time. And this is their saving grace. It can be our saving grace too.


If we are to age gracefully –  rather than disgracefully, we must realize, we can never lose what really matters.  And that is our love. The love we shared, the love we gave, becomes part of the Infinite Consciousness we are always connected to.  We will lose our human self, we will die one day. And on the way there, we will get to practice many ‘letting gos’ – to prepare us…..should we be ‘lucky’ enough to live to old age.  We will lose loved ones, we will lose our vitality, our flexibility and strength, we will see our good health  and energy decline, our mental capacity dim, but we will not lose the love.  Love is the essential quality of the timeless, Universal realm. Our timeless self is part of this Universal realm – and it has recorded, indelibly, every moment we loved and were loved – in  thought, word or deed. We have access to this record, when we are in our timeless ‘bodies’.


Emerson said: ‘For everything you have missed, you have gained something else.”   I love that, and intend to make it a mantra for the years ahead.  In gracefully letting go, of all that we have, and all that we would like to have had, we invite in something else. In surrendering, with goodwill, the gifts of our youth, we open ourselves to other, more lasting ones. In releasing our attachments to our ‘identity’ – to the human self we think of us ‘Me’, a softer, more genuine self emerges.  This one doesn’t have to compete to be the wealthiest and most successful,  or look the best. It doesn’t have front up in the world and sell itself. It doesn’t have to look in the mirror and frown at time’s new scars. It doesn’t  even have to feel great moving around in a body every day – it knows some discomfort is okay, all is part of the journey and it’s all temporary. Everything  in the world of form, time’s domain, is temporal in nature. This new self, is much freer to be who it really is.  Time no longer seems important. It is racing, faster now than it ever seemed to, but that’s okay too. It is an illusion after all. The truth is, everything is just NOW.  So there is no urgency, no need to cram in as much as possible into every day.  This self knows to take the time to bask in the sun, stroke the cat, talk to the stranger in the supermarket, enjoy the coffee, delight in the simple pleasures of the senses, to feel grateful for the breath, to en-JOY being in human form.  


In letting go of the identity we painfully constructed through our earlier years, it no longer matters that we haven’t achieved very much.  We begin to understand a truth : ‘the highest form of achievement is non-achievement.’  It all begins to make sense. The surrendered self is able to age gracefully because it doesn’t have anything to prove anymore and it is not attached to the ego.  The surrendered self moves through time in a different way. Much of the time it is a witness, observing the world and what is happening; deepening its understanding of love, honing its capacity for compassion. Knowledge becomes wisdom and the surrendered self is open to being used by the Higher State Consciousness, as it sees fit  – because now it can be.  As a self-preoccupied, time-consumed identity, it wasn’t much use to the Infinite – whose intention is to evolve. As we evolve our consciousness, the Higher Consciousness, or Universal Consciousness (home of our timeless self) grows and evolves too.  Ego is not part of the evolution of the Higher Consciousness. It is only part of ours while we are still on our way to individuation.


Perhaps  there is a higher purpose to the ageing process.  It feels strangely unnatural – because in some, very distant part of our awareness, we know it is unnatural.  This is not our real home, so the properties of space-time are innately foreign to us. Yet when we embrace the awareness that we are both human and timeless at the same time, we are both particle and waveform – we can find some ease.  When we can let go of life as we knew it, our attachments, our preferences, our ideas of how it should be – as we get older, and live in the ever present NOW, we learn, viscerally, that time is of no real consequence– it is illusory. The peace and the knowledge we gain, through our ability to surrender, is a step or two upwards on our evolutionary journey.  We see that our human self, like the particle, is here because it decided to play the game for a while…….until it falls back into the waveform universe – as it surely will.


We are constrained, while we are here, by the rules of the game, and one of them is time.  Constraints compel us to choose and ultimately to learn, grow and evolve.  The choice then is clear: we either accept the rules of father time and embrace our ageing gracefully, surrendering up all we are asked to, when we are asked to. Or, we resist the process  – and drive ourselves further away from peace of mind in a fight to disguise, from the world and from ourselves, the truth that time reveals.  The former, softens and mellows the spirit, like a fine wine – opening the heart and body to express the timeless self within. This is beauty that knows no age.  The latter, hardens the heart, the mouth, the eyes – those windows to the soul. Life with this choice is a bitter fight to the end.   Who would you rather be? 


The world and the younger generation needs elders who have made the first choice, to help guide and heal them through these tumultuous times.  They do not need oldies still stuck in their egos, afraid to relinquish their false identity, trying, often desperately, to be ‘one of them’.    We, the baby boomers I guess, have a role to play here – and it is a vital one. Our accumulated wisdom is where it’s at.  First, we need to make friends with time, by playing him at his own game. We give up resistance.  Releasing and surrendering who we are, what we have and have been, is not done easily. It takes some practice. But we get to practice every day.  It may help to remind ourselves that somewhere in the metaphysical universe is a DVD of our entire lives; it has been already done and dusted.  We’ve lived it  – and we will return to play another movie, further down the loop. We are just focusing, for now, on this scene, of this story.


My 90 year old father says:  ‘Getting old takes a lot of courage.’   Let’s start by honouring all those courageous old people out there – it’s hard being old. And then let’s honour ourselves – we made it this far, and, if we are able to let go, every day, along the way,  we may just find, the best really is yet to be!   



A Man of Great Heart….


I recently came across this in a book I’m reading……….. it deserves sharing:

Professor Jacques Decour was executed by the Nazis at the age of 32 for his activity in the French Resistance in the second world war. As he was waiting for death, he wrote a beautiful letter to his family, which is extraordinarily moving. Here’s what he said:


“Now each of us is preparing to die……..We are preparing, thinking about what is to come, about what is going to kill us without our being able to do anything to defend ourselves…….This is truly the moment of us to remember love.  Did we love enough? Did we spend hours a day marvelling at other people, being happy together, feeling the value of contact, the weight and the worth of hands, eyes, bodies? Do we yet really know how to devote ourselves to tenderness? Before we pass away in the trembling of an earth without hope, it is time to become entirely and definitely, love, tenderness, and friendship, because there is nothing else.  We must swear to think of nothing any more but loving, opening our souls and our hands, looking with our best eyes, clasping what we love tightly to ourselves, walking free from anxiety and radiant with affection.”