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THE TRUTH IS WITHIN YOU

The undisciplined have no wisdom,
No one-pointed concentration;
With no concentration, no peace;
With no peace, where can joy be?

When the mind constantly runs
After the wandering senses,
It drives away wisdom, like the wind
Blowing a ship off course
– The Bhagavad-Gita

The mind, contemporary spiritual literature tells us, is the true creative power of the universe. It is through the mind, that everything comes into being. We have this power, this creative energy within us. Our power to think, to use the mind, determines the success and happiness, or otherwise, of our lives. And so we must keep our thoughts positive, focus on what we want to bring into being, we must avoid negative thinking, negative words. The law of attraction will then see to it that whatever we desire, and concentrate on, will come into our lives. Even more effective and efficient will the manifestation of our desires be, the law says, if we bring the power of our emotions together with our thoughts.

Our thoughts however, are not all powerful. In fact, they are illusory. They are illusory because they are impermanent and therefore unreal…..as everything in the phenomenal world is. The ‘mind’ is a collection of thoughts that come and go, sometimes it is our ally, at others, our foe. Our thoughts have no existence in reality, they are no more real than a dream. Reality is the truth that our essence is at one with the One – the higher Consciousness. We have a mind, just as we have a body and a personality – but these are temporary, finite concerns. Our essence is infinite. It is part of the ‘Overself’ (or Higher Consciousness System). Thus, the mind and the thoughts that use it, are simply borrowed, as everything in the universe is, from the Overself. The life-current that moves through us, and keeps us alive, is lent to us and because it is temporary and finite – it is not real.

Within us, within the heart centre, the Overself (call it God if you will) lives. If we are moved to desire a relationship with our heart of hearts, several qualities are called for. Standing head and shoulders above all others, is stillness. Intense stillness and peace are requisites to make known the presence, within each of us, of the only true reality we have. Stillness is asked of us, because without it, the mind, our thoughts, carry us away from the presence. It is so close, as close as our physical hearts – closer…..yet how distant it is from most of us in this life, in this world. In this world the mind, tool of the ego, dominates. The mind can become our ally, if we are disciplined enough to set aside time each day for stillness. As we turn away from the world, turn the powers of our concentrated effort inwards, on the heart centre – if we are lucky, we will, sooner or later, experience the pure peace and happiness of connecting with the Overself within.

As we redirect our gaze from the outer to the inner, we very naturally, and with time and some practice, become the witnesses of our ‘lives in the world.’ A natural detachment brings with it the gift of peace. It is not to be avoided, as some sort of aloof, cold, uninvolved state of being, but rather it is a quality to be sought, bringing as it does, along with peace, a greater connection with truth. I am talking about the truth that runs like an unseen, underground river, through the affairs and lives of us all, flowing beneath the seemingly solid ground of the material world and its preoccupations with appearance and dubious values in service of egoic needs for security and survival. The river of truth flows quietly, so quietly that nothing but absolute stillness, of mind, of thought, of body, are necessary, in order to sense its presence. Truth is knowing what is real, and what is unreal. The rewards of a practice of stillness, of turning inward, are those sought by every human who has walked the planet: peace and happiness. Finding truth, we find peace. The gambler, the drunkard, the stressed business executive, the freedom fighter – all are seeking the same thing. It is happiness we want. And peace we crave. Happiness may be mistakenly imagined to lie in the next promotion, the next successful deal or the next drink. And what is the route by which such mistakes of the imagination are made? The mind, and the thoughts – tools of the ego.

Think for a moment (ah yes, the mind is the ultimate paradox – our enemy and our saviour)… on this: all the desires, intentions, goals, ambitions, hopes and wishes that you have ever entertained – have any of them brought you lasting happiness? We all know, if we are reasonably conscious, that happiness is at best a temporary state. It comes and goes as moods, thoughts, emotions, changes in the world and our lives come and go. And this is where thought has got us. The stereotypical miserable, miserly rich man, the suicidal, drug addicted movie/rock star, the cardiac arrested businessman……clearly, the collective’s quest for happiness is somehow missing the mark.

As we shift our concentration, from the world, to our heart centre, the fog begins to clear. We realize the truth of the temporal nature of this life. Everything is a passing parade: our joy, our fear, the people we love, our successes, our failures, our pleasure, our pain. As our relationship with the Overself deepens – we do not lose our capacity to experience any of the richness that life’s passing parade offers us……but what we gain is this: the ability to detach from it. We detach our identification with it all; with the roles we play, the job we do, the state of our health, our joys and pains and pleasures as well. Why does this happen? It happens because we come to know the truth. We know that destiny will always give us both, pleasure and pain, in this world of duality – no matter how many precautions we take. And we know that who we think we are, is not in fact, who we are. We are not these personalities, these minds, these bodies. Everything we think we are is seen as a garment we choose to wear for a while. But we know that at the end of the day, or the end of the story, or the end of this life, we will take off the garment and stand naked and true. We can choose to put on another garment, live a different story, take a new incarnation. And behind all of it, the drama of it all, quietly waiting for us to make its acquaintance, is our true self, the Overself that lies within and beyond this body-mind human being.

And so yes, we can use our minds, we can create with them, we can shape our lives to a degree, with them. But we have a higher mind, with a capacity to become more conscious, more self-aware. Let us use it. Ultimately, it is our minds, through making the conscious effort to become more conscious, that will enable us to escape the wheel of rebirth. Using the mind to manifest our desires and intentions in the material world may be worthy, in some respects, but it is not real. Our thoughts are impermanent, they are illusory, they are like dreams. What is real lies within our hearts and it has the power to bestow the greatest, most elusive, most desired states of being – happiness and peace. Perhaps now is a good time to begin the practice of stillness. We have nothing to lose, but our discontent.

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Every so often, the Universe, Great Spirit, the Divine….reminds us that we are spiritual beings having a human experience.   During a recent yoga teacher training I heard those words every day: I am not my body, I am not my mind, I am not my thoughts – nor am I the emotions generated by my thoughts……   And thank you for the reminder God. I needed it.

I think we all need this reminder – on a regular basis. We forget so easily, the truth of who we really are. We become enmeshed, moment to moment, in the experience of being human – in the endless dramas, the constant stream of thoughts and their accompanying emotions. We feel our emotions (energy in motion) pricking through collections of molecules and muscles in our bodies: the nervous flutterings of the solar plexus, the contraction of the heart, the quietly furrowed brow and tight lips, the shallow breath, the held breath, the hunched shoulders. Our thoughts and emotions consume us, draining our life force, our vitality, carrying us away and cutting us off from the people we are with, and the beauty or ordinariness of the places we are in. Lost in the jungle of our minds, we forget that we are pure consciousness, infinite and eternal, temporarily occupying this physical body. We forget that our heritage is timelessness; that this moment is where we live, and all we will take from this world is the wisdom imprinted on our souls and the love we have shared. That is all.

It is true this physical life is time consuming. That is its nature, after all. To BE in time. Most of us are occupied in every waking moment, with the business of time. It takes time to work, to make a living, to maintain a home, to maintain relationships, to maintain the body. That is as it is. But we should also make time to be timeless. To stop for a while. To sit in silence and turn inwards. To bring the full focus of our awareness onto and into our heart centre. To meditate on Who we are. In the heart, the seat of the soul, is a voice that will tell us the truth. To hear it we need to step out of the busy-ness of life and make time to be still. Naturally enough, time-entrenched habits will prevail. Thoughts will continue their chattering and the body will seek our attention, reminding us through an assortment of discomforts, of its existence. It isn’t easy to get past it all and be still – in mind and body. Yet this stillness is what we must seek and practice, until old habits are broken and new ones created – if we want to know the truth of who we are. Not only that. There is a great bonus to this commitment to stillness, this withdrawing of attention inwards. Dr Paul Brunton expressed it more eloquently than I could, in this way:

 

The man who follows this quest is like the ray which is returning to its source. When he follows the ‘I AM’ in him to its hidden root, when the intellectual process of his enquiry gradually develops into a subtler inner movement, he will sooner or later enter – intermittently at first – a condition of impersonal freedom and utter peace……….When the mind’s depth is plumbed he will arrive at a point where both the thinking intellect and personal self seem almost to become re-absorbed by the hidden element which created them. That element is none other than the Absolute Being, the One Overself, the Supreme Reality and Underlying Spirit which subsists eternally amid the births and deaths of mortal men and material worlds. This august revelation awaits him even at the beginning of his first fumbling steps on the quest.” (Dr Paul Brunton: ‘Quest of the Overself’, p. 215)

 

Let us then begin the quest; take those first fumbling steps. Why not make this commitment to sit, each day, for a certain period of time. We could see it as an experiment at first, approaching it in a spirit of curiosity. What will happen? How will this feel? What, after all, is there to lose? The busy-ness of the life will be there when we return. Nothing of any importance will be lost. We know studies have shown the benefits of meditation – so we have only to gain, surely, through making this commitment to ourselves. A true knowing may fully reveal itself: I am not my body, I am not my mind, I am not my emotions…………. What better use can we make of time – other than to sit in timelessness……

 

And look what beckons! Freedom, peace and the ultimate revelation of the truth of who we really are.   One and the same. The same and One.

 

PS:  This image above I took in Fiji, on the island of Tokoriki…  We feel timelessness in sunsets like these……

 

 

 

 

Bittersweet Memory….

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The deeper sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain

(Kahlil Gibran)

 

Sorrow, grief, the heart squeezing pain surges in waves that spill over eyes and down cheeks……   We all know the feeling.  In the wake of a loved one’s death, the end of a significant relationship, twins loss and grief become constant companions. Ebbing and flowing,  waves  of grief wash through the body, at times almost unbearable, then, receding, eventually, bringing a strange calm in their place……..until the next wave comes.

 

What is it that gives birth to the waves of grief?  The bonds of a deep love broken apart, and the memories of the love shared. But more starkly, it is thought.  Memories become thought, and thought becomes emotion.  Without the thought – there is no emotion.

 

I know this. I have been witnessing it, sadly, through the life of my mother.  My mother has Alzheimers.  Her short term memory has been reduced to seconds.  In the past few years, she has lost all capacity to remember what she just had for lunch.  Yet she is strong and well in her body – and she retains many of the character traits that we’ve always known and loved – she is happy. She comments frequently on the beauty around her,  in nature and in other people, she smiles  and sings and sways with the music and you feel her contentment. 

 

A couple of years back she went through a period of sadness    – when she must have known on some level, what was happening to her. She seemed to withdraw.  Too scary to say much,  it would have  been a shock to be corrected or informed about what had happened in the recent past, and to realize she didn’t know anymore what was going on around her.   Now, she keeps conversations short and they are necessarily superficial.   But she is happy.  Her uncomplicated personality  is more so now.

 

In short – my mother lives absolutely in the NOW.  Isn’t this the place the spiritual literature tells us we need to be? I’m here to tell you, this is not where we need to be.   Mum is completely absorbed in what is happening around her in this, one moment.  There is clearly some contentment in that space for her.  But for us, the path is not so easy.

 

In January this year, my father died.  Mum and Dad had been happily married for 62 years.  From the age of 19 – to her now 82, my mother’s world was constellated around Dad.  He was the centre of her universe.  Their partnership was one of love and mutual respect.  An archetypal model of a ‘traditional’ marriage, Dad was the undisputed head of the household – creating a financially secure and emotionally supportive world for his family…..Mum was the epitome and embodiment of the perfect homemaker. They had their respective roles, but they worked as a team. Dad would talk about this with me. It was the reason my marriage had failed  in part, he said, because it was not an equal partnership. My husband resented me being at home bringing up four children.  It didn’t bring in money, so, in his eyes, it had no value.  Dad, by contrast, in his wisdom, acknowledged and valued, often out loud, the role my mother played, as mother of four, home maker and equal partner in the various projects they did together.  And for Mum, her life was one of deep contentment.  There was little she did, in her 62 years of marriage that did not involve my father – and she couldn’t have been happier about that arrangement.

 

So what has happened to that bond of love, now that Dad has passed away?  Mum shed no tears for my father when he died.  She still hasn’t. She has to be told, over and over again, that he has gone.  She says then, ‘that’s terrible’ – and her thoughts, in a flash, are back in the present. Unlike us, she does not feel the waves of grief; the terrible sadness of realizing she will never see the strong and courageous man who was the centre of her world, again in this life. Never again hear his voice, his laughter.  There is no ache, thinking about all the years past, the happy times, the laughter shared.  No pain of nostalgia for the joy, the sadness,  the shared memories of good and hard times…… not for anything and everything that was woven into 62 years of life together. 

 

I wonder where it went, that depth of feeling, the huge love I know my mother had for my father.  It was only a short time ago that my brother said ‘the two have become one’ – a perfect expression for the last years my parents spent together.  Mum seeking out Dad every moment of the day, always aware of his presence. Dad taking over more and more of Mum’s job description, as her dementia increased; his denial about the seriousness of her condition, as he quietly and courageously became her caregiver.  He was only in hospital two nights before he died, the second morphined out of this reality; the first, conscious and worried about Mum.  ‘Who is looking after Dawn?’ he asked.  He cared deeply about  the love of his life to the end. 

 

We know it is her condition, of course.  But knowing that doesn’t help.  It doesn’t answer any of our questions.  What it tells us though,  apart from the futility and impossibility of living completely in the now (we cannot function in this world without our memories)  is – we need our memories to feel the emotions that make us human.  My mother is still a warm and beautiful human being – but there is a void, where the emotions that made her her used to be. We need healthy brains to receive and translate the memories held in the ‘mind space’. Without them, the memories are free floating somewhere in the ether – unanchored to the personality and the body that created them.  There is no identification with the past, because there is no identification with anything anymore.  My mother exists in a bubble of reality that is different from ours. It is as real to her, as our illusory reality is to us.  But she is no longer a participant in the consensual reality.  There is freedom in that, perhaps.  No memory, no responsibility. It is the freedom of nothing left to lose. Everything has gone. No identity, no ego, no attachment.  And it is an empty freedom. Without real emotions we are shallow, fraudulent versions of ourselves. We lose the identities we have spent a lifetime moulding, and by which others know us. 

 

Grief, loss, sorrow, bereavement – these are painful feelings – but perhaps we need to treasure them.  As Gibran reminds us, we need the depth of grief to carve out space for our joy.  Without depth in the soul, life is a strangely vacuous, superficial experience.  And depth in the soul is the gift of living through all of the emotions.  This human condition demands that we feel it all, and we are wise not to deny or diminish the natural expression of our feelings.  If we do not fully feel and express our emotions, or we cannot because our biology  no longer receives the frequencies of memory,  we are not really living at all. We are walking in the world but we are not engaging with it.  Life without feeling is like time out. It may be, in some mysterious way, a rest for the soul, an opportunity to re-charge. There may be, on a soul level, a higher purpose to living without memory.  This, we cannot know.

 

For most of us, the learning we can take from our beautiful, beloved family members who are afflicted, in our eyes at least, with this condition, is that through them, we can know what it is that makes our lives worthwhile.  And it is not the stuff we’ve accumulated, or even the experiences we have acquired, valuable though these are – it is the love we have given and the love we have received.  The bonds of love we create, those bringers of such joy and equally, such pain when they broken  – are, when all is said and done, the only thing that makes  this life worth living. And I  believe that the love goes on – with or without this transitory mind and body. Like energy,  love is never wasted. 

 

For my Mum, the love she held in her heart, for my father, is waiting somewhere, out there , to be retrieved one day and take on with her, into a new life,  a new heart…….And I am certain she will find him and together they will carry on where they left off; separate and together, once again.

Thank you my beautiful parents for the lessons in love you have given us all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Father

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Kevin Ellis George

23/03/23  –  09/01/14

 

My father has left this ‘vale of tears’ – taken the light of his wisdom, his laughter, his intelligence and his love – to another realm.  In that place, I know his light will continue to shine and expand and his soul will reflect on the learning of his 90 years, the insights he gained, his vast achievements, his good fortune, and perhaps, his regrets. And  then, in time, he will decide to return. He will choose to reconnect with those us who have been traveling through lifetimes with him – and we will live and love together again.   But for now, in this world there is an aching hole, where memories, words, images, a lifetime of them, slip in and out – insubstantial, ethereal, elusive, now the flesh and blood man who created them has departed.  And yet they are not. They are real. They are streams of energy,  as real as the energy that swirls in the molecules of my body, sitting here, pretending to be solid.  My memories of my father, his many words of wisdom, his understanding  of truth, his unconditional love, the significance of his well-lived life – are part of me…….as much a part of me and as real as my entire life up to this moment. For what is this life I’ve lived, but a memory??  We are all as insubstantial as ghosts.  We are all a composite of stories and memories of the past. Death simply removes the illusion of the security and continuance of form – and replaces it with truth.

So Dad, my tears and the sadness I feel about losing you, are natural and right – my  heart and body’s response to the knowledge that I will never see you or hear your voice again, seek out your wise counsel, listen to your stories, stand in admiration of your courage. You, my father, the man, are lost to me for as long as I will live.  Grief is hard, it hurts. Yet I know without a shadow of doubt that the enormity of your life and your large soul interlaces with my own.  It always has, but now your form has gone, I feel the energy of who you were more keenly.  My children embody so much of you – your lifetime in aviation, building and design – they each have a share of your special talents. And I have your words, your love of philosophy and spirituality, your  understanding of the continuation of life, of karma and reincarnation, your disdain for petty authority. You were a freedom fighter, you stood up for what was right and to hell with the consequences – you were never afraid to speak your truth, to stand up for the underdog, to take absolute responsibility for yourself, your family, your health, the business of life.  You had a deep regard for your ancestors, our forebears, who gifted us with their struggles and triumphs.  And now, with your inspiration, I will work on embodying your courage, the strength of your will, your endurance and your willingness to give all that you had, to help others without expectation of reward or recognition, and your humility.

I tried to get you to record the stories of your life – but sadly, you never did.  Now all those stories, like your life itself, lie in the domain of our memories.  You had so many.  You always talked about your ‘adventures in the war’ – as if being a bomber Captain with the Royal Air Force in the Mediterranean theatre of WWII,  at barely 20 years of age, was just that – an adventure.  But I remember you telling me, with a wistful look in your eye, and a glimmer of tear, that of the 11 fledgling pilots photographed on the deck of the ship bound for Canada in 1941, only four came home. We know you were fast-tracked to become a commissioned officer at such a young age – because they recognized the level of your natural ability as a pilot. That ability stood by you well. You only stopped flying at 87. What an achievement! the oldest flying pilot in New Zealand. And it went, like so many of your distinctions, largely unrecognized.  You always knew, you said, that you had a very good guardian angel. Touche to that.

Well Dad, your guardian angel has called you home. It is our loss. The pain of grief is the price we pay for having had the great good luck to have had you as a father, grandfather, husband, uncle and friend.  You live on in the hearts and minds of all of us. And until we meet up again, in the next world, the next life, fly free – no plane required now, and know that you did the best anyone ever can do in this world – you lived a long, healthy, adventurous, creative, loving life. It was a hell of a success, your big life. And if none of us ever thought to tell you that before, I’m telling you now.  I know you wont be resting in peace – because you will be far too busy being and doing, whatever it is you  do where you are.  Enjoy the freedom!  I know you will. We’ll miss you, we love you  – and thank you, for being my father.

The Gift of Cats….

 

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Life is becoming more complex by the day. We can all see and feel this complexity, this hijacking of our minds and our bodies – through the mainstream media’s incessant and insidious propaganda;  through the steady invasion of toxins in our environment, the poisoning of our food, water and air. 

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to see that there is an agenda – the evidence is irrefutable – and it is about our enslavement.   It’s a freaky and terrifying prospect. 

 

One of the items on the agenda is to separate us from nature.   This is happening in incremental steps. It is a gradual process designed to elicit our collusion in our enslavement and the progression to a post- human society that is our future. The more separated we are from the natural world, the more robotic and ‘enslaveable’ we become. 

 

Clearly then, we need to wake up and smell the roses.  Nature may be our only salvation from the Orwellian future that looms larger by the day –  because everything in the natural world is potentially healing.  Being in nature, forests, beaches, mountains, gardens – and especially, in the company of animals, gives us an opportunity to become more whole.  There is a gaping wound that is part of the human condition, and it is a wound in part inflicted, and perpetuated by the ego-mind. We all have the wound – it simply manifests in shades and variations on an individual level.   

 

 We know we come from the stars, from civilisations that were seeded in other parts of the universe. We know battles have been waged for the ownership of our bodies and our consciousness. In our ancient past, we were traumatised, physically and psychologically.  The trauma continues on in us, to this day – just as the battle for possession of our minds, bodies and souls does.   Our genetics are terrestrial and extra-terrestrial  in origin. This means we humans are a composite – we are partly animal, but  because of the genetic manipulation, there has been a schism in our consciousness that has removed (in part at least) our connection to, and trust in, the healing powers of nature. 

 

Connecting with nature is perhaps the only way to heal the wound of our humanness – because the wound constellates around our separateness.  We feel fear and  we relive old trauma – not as isolated incidents but as ongoing states of being because of our separateness.  On some deep level, we know this – but feel powerless to change it.  We are born into separation, we go through life feeling the pain of separation, and we die – alone. It is just the way it is.  In between times, we project all our pain and longing – for connection, onto others – and then get to experience more pain through our relationship dramas (projections never work for long).  If we are sufficiently conscious, we will withdraw our projections,  own our stuff and figure out how to get along with our lover, hopefully happily, in an insane world.

 

But even as we work our way through the psychological baggage of our shared trauma, and find some healing through our relationships, we cannot escape  the insanity around us.  And this is where our cats come in.

 

Animals are pure nature – naturally enough.  Sadly we are not.  We have been corrupted, or rather our minds have and we have lost our intrinsic connection to the world we live in, to our planet and the cosmos. We no longer feel the natural rhythms of sun and moon and the stars, as mankind once did. We do not trust nature – to heal our bodies and soothe our souls.  We are like aliens on our own planet.   The animals don’t have an ego-mind, so they have remained connected to the Earth.  They trust nature and they live completely in the present.  They are then, precious gifts for us – as they are our link to the natural world.

 

I spend a lot of time with my four Burmese cats. These exquisitely beautiful animals are highly intelligent – they have a level of consciousness that, frankly, puts a lot of humans to shame.  Their  repertoire of emotions is vast;  you can literally feel the joy, the contentment, the compassion, the naughtiness, and the love.  They experience emotion, they respond to emotion – and it is pure – uncontaminated by fear, by the ego. Their personalities are unique – just as ours are (they have birth charts too and it is quite apparent they ‘live their charts’ as we do).   I’ve come to the conclusion that their vibrational frequency is very high. Because it is pure and free of the ego-mind –  they have much to teach us.  When they live with us, we get to enjoy the benefits of their high vibratory energy. I have read that in simply moving through our homes, they negate negative energies, changing the energetic fields around them to positive.  The healing affects of a cat’s purr has been well established.  Eckhart Tolle said, and I love this, “I have had many Zen masters as teachers – and all of them cats!”

 

We have had many experiences of our Burmese cats responding to our emotional states. Sylvie, who is 17, (and now sleeps for most of the day), has on many occasions comforted us when we’ve been upset.  She just seems to know when one of us is hurting, and gets as close to our face as possible, purring, and rubbing her little face against ours – as if to say, ‘it’s okay, you will be fine, don’t cry.’  Her compassion has a powerful effect. How precious is that?  Zeezee, our seal Burmese is one today – I can’t begin to tell you how much joy she has brought to our home in the past year.  She is beauty personified – and so much more.   Her intelligence is astonishing…..

 

We are a cat family but we love all animals – and of course, it doesn’t matter what your animal preference is, your dog, budgie,rabbit, horse – they are all capable of healing, reminding you of your inseparability…..  We are part of this Earth, this Cosmos – as much as they are. We’ve just had this truth hidden from us. Our animals are our bridge, the way back to our ancient birth right – where we lived in peace, free from the tyranny of time and the ego-mind.  This Oneness with the natural world is where our souls find healing. It is the place where our animals live – and through them, thank the divine Spirit for them, so can we.

 

I’m going to leave you with some powerful words by Morrissey – animal lover and voice for truth. Here is the link:   
http://true-to-you.net/

 

 

Bio:

 

 

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 Having studied naturopathy and holistic healing for over 30 years now, and practising (for the most part) the principles of healthy living – I have to say, I’m depressed.   The world is crazy.  I am probably more informed than most on the dangers of fluoridation, chlorination, vaccination, GMOs, EMFs…..the list continues to grow…..but  it isn’t enough.  It’s becoming a full-time job to stay on top – that is, to take care the health of myself and my family – and it feels like a losing battle. What hope is there for the less informed and those who cannot afford to buy organic food, supplements, pure water?

In the latest edition of ‘The New Zealand Journal of Natural Medicine’, Walter Last, naturopath, writes:  “I am now fully convinced that most diseases are indeed caused by the medical system.”  He goes on, in this excellent article, to back up his conviction with insights like:  “Statistics show that whenever there was a strike by doctors, the death rate in the affected population fell dramatically.”

And:  “Candidiasis is not the only side-effect of antibiotic treatment, and antibiotics are not the only drugs that cause such problems.  Drugs used in chemotherapy, anti-inflammatory steroidal drugs and other long-term drug therapies tend to kill or suppress the natural intestinal bacteria and yeast, parasites and harmful bacteria start taking over.”   This leads to the development of autoimmune diseases such as asthma, lupus and cancer – the epidemic of our times. Root canals are another cause of autoimmune diseases. Dr Weston Price (former Director of Research for the American Dental Association) did a number of (horrendous) studies, where he inserted a removed root-filled tooth under the skin of a 100 rabbits. The rabbits all died within two days.  When normal teeth were implanted, the rabbits suffered no adverse health effects.

Statistics, according to Last and contrary to what the propaganda has been hammering us with, show that death rates from targeted disease rose with the introduction of vaccines.  “Other side-effects ascribed to modern vaccines are cot death (SIDS), a strong rise in autism and ADHD and so-called ‘shaken baby syndrome’ (spot bleeding in the brain) which landed innocent parents in jail.”   At the other end of childhood, the Gardasil (HPV) vaccine is quietly maiming and killing young women all over the world.

 

What the hell is going on??

 

Those of us who are half awake, know about the suppression of natural medicine – and the ‘deliberate bias against natural therapies’.  It seems bewildering and nonsensical.   When we are told such facts as ‘private-practice oncologists (in the US) typically derive two-thirds of their income from selling chemotherapy to patients’, the penny should start to drop. It is all about money. Illness and disease mean profits – to drug companies and individuals within the non-holistic health profession.  The more sick people there are, the more money they make.

 

Further down the proverbial rabbit hole, things become more sinister.  While the manipulation of the ego accounts for the greed and self-serving behaviour of those involved in this conspiracy, (yes, it is), there are deeper layers to the insanity.  Depopulation is one.  There is an agenda, put in place by our ‘overlords’ to drastically reduce the world’s population (they have others also).  These ‘overlords’ are well hidden, but their emissaries organise and control the power structures that run our world – the governments and banks, corporations and industries and they are working to an agenda.  It is obvious, for instance, that the telecoms industry is not only about taking money out of our hands and giving it to those at the top – it is also playing a major part in destroying our health. Two birds with one stone – terrific. No wonder it is so powerful and becoming more so. Cell phone towers are springing up like mushrooms –no environmental consents necessary.  It’s a sick world becoming sicker by the day.

 

How Can We Not Be Afraid?

It’s bloody scary –when you look at it.  You might choose not to. It’s easier not to. It’s easier to watch TV, have a glass of wine, go shopping. Life isn’t all bad – and distraction has its place. We’d probably go nuts without it.  And from my observation protests and letters to politicians and editors haven’t halted the viral spread of telecoms masts (mechanisms of mind programming, according to some), or for that matter halted anything.  In New Zealand a recent poll showed 89 per cent of those questioned were opposed to a new ‘security’ bill (like the NSA) that was before the house – in effect, giving the government legitimacy to spy (as if they weren’t already).  It passed anyway. The clear majority voice silenced  – yet again. And if that’s the case when the majority is opposed to something – what chance do those of us in the minority have, over issues such as fluoridation in the water??  

But we must not give up. As David Icke continually reminds us, there are more of us than there are of them. We ARE powerful. And yes, I am trying to convince myself as much as you, as I write those words.  Right now, to be completely honest – I feel a deep despair.  A gnawing feeling that these aches and pains, these new sensitivities are the honest response of my body to a bombardment of heavy  and unfamiliar frequencies in the air around me.  We didn’t evolve with these frequencies and our bodies are doing the best they can.  It’s almost impossible to have control over anything anymore. We might drink pure spring water at home, but when we go into town and buy a coffee, we are swallowing a combo of chlorine and fluoride – throwing further out the delicate balance of our biochemistry. Yet we don’t want to be fanatical. This is where we live! We cannot all retreat to the country, out of range of cell phone towers, to enjoy our own safe water and organic veges. No, for the most part we are stuck with it – stuck in this prison without bars.

 

What Can we Do?

We can write, share, inform ourselves and others.  Waking up is more crucial now than ever. Thankfully, we are seeing an explosion in the numbers of people ‘getting it’ – but there is such a long way to go. As fast as we get it – they are further ahead of us, with their secret technology, their occult manipulation of our innocence. We are played like puppets and it is appalling and distressing to see them continuing to get away with it.  Our freedoms are being swept away while we’re not looking – distracted by the business of living.   I don’t know,  is it not too late??  Can we reverse the cliff-lunging train and save ourselves?   I love hearing from anyone who believes we can. Any suggestions, guidance, advice – are gratefully sought and received and perhaps this is our only hope. Life might be becoming more prison like by the day, with its continuing assaults on our bodies,  minds and spirits, but, you know what, if we wake ourselves out of our apathetic slumber and do something!!!! – we might stop that train from hurtling over the cliff.  We have to believe, and hold to it, that we ARE POWERFUL.  It is just a matter of numbers.  The more of us that wake up, the more impossible it will be for the controllers to dictate our fate. As alluring as distraction may be, it is our lives, and the lives of our children and their children, at stake.  We must inform ourselves about our health and take responsibility for it. It is becoming more of a challenge, but we can find wellness in a sick world. To look to the medical profession to save us from the disease it is inflicting with the other hand, is naïve.  Informed choices and the sharing of information – these are key.  Other than that, we have to stop being afraid and choose love.  Loving ourselves means taking care of ourselves – on all levels. Loving others means taking care of them too. Simple really. Our souls know what we need to do to manifest love, for ourselves and others.  Turn off the distractions and listen to your heart. Follow the path of your heart and give others permission to do the same.  Listen too, to the intelligence of your body – it knows what it needs. Its symptoms are messengers, nothing more, nothing less, don’t ignore them or disguise them with toxic drugs. Respect, love and be thankful for this body you have and this life you are living.  En-JOY it.  It is truly a gift.  Enough preaching.  I’m off to take my own advice.  Much love and blessings all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Culture is Not your Friend

 

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Culture is not your friend – said Terence McKenna. He was right of course. Our culture is not our friend.  Our culture is the canvas on which we find ourselves trying to paint the picture of who we are. Some seed awareness within, knows we are here to create and to express ourselves. We feel right with the world when we are able to bring who we are to what we do. Yet, for many of us, it is an overwhelming struggle, to be simply, who we are. Our culture, our society, far from supporting us seems to actively thwart us, in our striving to follow the path with heart.  We may give up the fight and join the non-thinking majority, who cannot see beyond the weekend. They might complain about the state of the world, but tacitly accept it, in their compliance.  If we follow this path, there is never any peace.

 

Those of us whose heart path lies in the ‘shadow professions’ are more at risk than most – as our culture defriends free thinkers and opponents of the status quo. Anything in the shadows is a challenge to the ‘system’ that holds the status quo by withholding and controlling information not supportive of its agenda.  There is a certain ‘protection’ given in the highly subjective art world, as intent is so often veiled. But dare, if your world-view is not aligned with the system’s, to express your thoughts in words or actions, and see how quickly you are marginalised. Whether it be in challenging the ‘official story’ of history that we are told in school, or the stories of world events reported in the mainstream media, or the fabricated stories repeated by the accepted medical, educational and law enforcement authorities.  Challenge these, and see how unfriendly your culture becomes. In short, we live in a culture of lies.  The canvas we are trying to paint the picture of our lives upon is tattered and torn.

 

Astrology is a shadow profession. Those of us drawn to this ancient, shadowy, artful knowledge system may come to the conclusion my first teacher did – after three decades of working with astrology. He said : “I feel I’ve been imprisoned for 30 years for a crime I didn’t commit.”    Such is the nature of our culture.

 

Ostracised, alienated, belittled, defriended. For what? For trying to understand the ways of the universe, the nature of reality, the meaning of life. For trying to help others understand themselves and their place in the cosmos, with a view to living happier, more fulfilling, peaceful and healthy lives.  So much easier to paint a pretty picture – or to get an office job.  But to our nature we must be true.

 

Most forms of alternative healing are marginalised in our culture for exactly the same reason. The system that rules does not want us to heal ourselves. It does not want us to know the truth about who we are. It does not want us to teach others the truth about who we are.  It teaches rather, half truths and lies, and rewards well those who practice the profession of its lie-telling. Challenge the system by sharing the truth and you may find yourself imprisoned – if not literally, then metaphorically. 

 

It isn’t easy to keep the faith in your chosen path, your path with a heart, if it lies in the shadows – or more simply, outside of mainstream.  It becomes a form of soul abuse to live each day in a place and time where wisdom and freedom of thought are cut down by the ruthless machine that is our culture.  But stay on the heart path we must.  The soul will prevail. The system will not. When we leave this world, all we will take is our love and our knowledge of truth – this will live on in the heart seed and continue with us into subsequent lives, as well as live on in the hearts and minds of those we loved and who have loved us.  This is the truth we must align ourselves with. Everything else in our culture, in the world around us, is finite and will fall away in its own time.

 

Acknowledge then, and celebrate, the passions of your shadow – whatever they are. True power lives in the shadow – the secret, invisible, unmanifest world. This is the birth place of everything in the visible world. Those in control don’t want you to know this – so they squash and suppress anything remotely esoteric, while secretly using its energy and power for themselves.  Quietly nurture your heart path then, and keep your allegiance to it. You are not imprisoned for a crime you didn’t commit. The prison is outside. It is in the false structures and authorities of maya – the illusionary world we call the real one. Ultimately, truth will prevail and the prison will fall.  In the meantime, we watch the game, maintain our integrity and take heart – meaning, have courage. We can negate the soul abuse inflicted by our culture by staying true to ourselves  – whatever it takes. And remember, we are never alone – there are many of us, flying beneath the radar, living the truth of our shadow world – and we are the whispering winds of change, we are the force that will topple our insipid, shallow, untenable culture. And perhaps, hopefully, one day, culture will again, be our friend.

 

Our Deepest Purpose

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What, if not transformation, is our deepest purpose?

-Rainer Maria Rilke

 

 One of the reasons we are here, perhaps the most meaningful reason, is to transform ourselves.   But what does that really mean?

 To transform is to change the shape or character of ……. according to my dictionary. I love this definition because it fits so perfectly with my worldview, which, as an evolutionary astrologer, is centred on the evolution of character. This, in other words, is transformation. This is our deepest purpose.  And it is a lifetime’s work. 

 The question then becomes, how do we go about this process of transformation? And it clearly is a process – taking the raw material of youthful and unformed character and, through the gradual acquisition of knowledge and experience over the passage of time – moulding and perfecting it. We are all involved in the work of integrating aspects of our characters and taking them to the higher ground. And boy, are we up against it there!

 The world we have been born into seems designed to make things as challenging as it can for us. 

We arrive here equipped for physical survival – which means we are hardwired to see the world around us as threatening. We are born into fear.  This is not all bad, but it does mean we learn to live on our nerves. When you think about it, all the stresses we feel can be related back to one fear or another.  Not only does ‘the system’ program us (through its insistence on consumerism and competition) to exist in a state of continual background fear and anxiety, but it is simultaneously bombarding us with assault after assault of pollutants – chemical and emotional.  All of this undermines our health and well-being, on every level. 

 As we know, everything has a frequency. We have a frequency that evolved along with the frequency of our planet Earth.  Our frequency is compatible with the Earth’s that means.  Natural food, clean water and air – all have a frequency that is harmonious with our own.  But as most of us reading this are well aware, this is a situation that is becoming increasingly more difficult to sustain. Our food, our water and our air are all being contaminated with pollutants. The frequencies, or energy fields we are taking into our bodies, in the form of our food, water and the air we breathe, are disharmonious, chaotic, and disruptive. They disrupt our physical body, and our mental and emotional bodies, through altering our biochemistry. We are vulnerable, multi-dimensional beings, and we are now being assaulted on all levels of our being.  This being human is becoming increasingly more challenging as ‘the system’ – controlled obviously by a force that does not have our best interests at heart, accelerates its unspeakable agenda.

 Sourcing pure, organic food and clean, unfluoridated (!) water can be a mission.  (I travel 30 km to an artesian water spring, in order avoid fluoridated tap water  – and I’m lucky I know to have this resource).  It takes time to read labels in the supermarket – but we need to, now more than ever. In short, our health depends on our knowledge. We need to educate ourselves – and time is not on our side.

 It isn’t only our food and water – if we live in an urban area, how can we avoid the electromagnetic smog that fills the airwaves?  The frequencies being emitted by technology, cell phone towers, mobile phones, wifi, microwaves, x-rays, and heaven help us, smart meters (!) can be nigh on impossible to escape from.  These frequencies are steadily undermining our cellular integrity – of that there is little doubt.  It is hard not to despair.

 And that is the biggest challenge.  Overcoming our despair, our fear, our heartbreak – when we see the pain and insanity in the world, through taking back our power – is how we transform it.

 In astrology, Pluto is the transformer.  This planetary body is associated with not only transforming, and healing, but it is also about all things dark. It symbolizes the shadow, that which is hidden – whether it be psychologically, or on another level, physically. Pluto’s domain is the invisible.  This is relevant because as members of the human race, we all have Pluto somewhere in our psyche. If astrological terminology puts you off, replace the word Pluto with wound.  We all have individual wounds to heal, and we all share in the collective wounds of humanity.  At some point, the two merge into one – and it seems we are at that point.  Society’s disease has become our disease.

 If we are on a mission to transform and heal ourselves, then transforming our world is part and parcel of that.  This ‘change in form’ is as much about changing the ‘state of the world’ – disintegrating as it appears to be around us, as it is about changing our inner world. When we change inwardly, the outer form changes too. Our integrity (wholeness) and the integrity of our world are at heart one and the same.   Overcoming our despair then depends on us waking up, and helping each other to wake up.  That is, we need to grow our awareness, our consciousness  – to realize that we are all individual cells in the one body of humanity – a body that is looking pretty sick right now.  But we each have the power to change that.  The cells in the human body work together for the good of a whole – the rogue cancer cell, an example of the exception. This is what we must do as individual cells in the body called humanity.  It is imperative that we see the bigger picture and realize that the healing of our society and our planet must come from our cooperation. This is what happens in the body – 50 trillion cells cooperate to maintain the healthy functioning of the system. As we heal our individual wounds and become whole in body and mind, the world around us will be healed. It is our apathy, our ignorance and the firewalls of our beliefs that must be transformed.  There is no power in maintaining the status quo. The only power is in healing and transformation.

 Here then are some humbly offered suggestions, to help your transformation……And all power to you!

 

–           Inform yourself.  Read as widely as you can on the subject of natural heath and healing,  (The time for trusting your health to outside authorities has long past), and what is happening in the world (you can’t trust the mainstream media to tell you the truth on anything of importance).

–           Share information.  Keep talking and sharing your experiences and discoveries re the above, with others. Sign petitions. Write letters to editors and emails to TV stations.

–           Take care of your health by not vaccinating your children or yourself, drinking fluoridated water, eating GMO containing foods, eating processed foods, talking too long on cell phones, living in a continuous wi-fi environment, using microwaves and smart metres, living close to cell phone towers, over-using pharmaceuticals or other drugs.

–           Clear your emotional body. Learn techniques, such as breath and body work to release heavy, low vibratory emotions from your system. Live as much as possible in the NOW.

–           Move your body.  Do physical exercise on a regular basis – even if it is just walking, or gardening. Particularly if it is walking or gardening. Take up yoga.

–          Make time to just be. Each day take some time to meditate or just sit and let your thoughts be still. Be in nature for your ‘just be’ time, whenever you can. This resets your internal clock to timelessness – the opposite state to that in which we normally live.

–          Connect with animals and nature.  And realize the life-force in all things. Minimise consumption of animals and animal products.

–          Look within. Consider having your evolutionary astrology chart done, or other technique that connects you with your own psyche and the energies you are working with in this life.  Knowledge is power. Power is transformation.

–          Drink green juices.  Blend organic fruits and greens and drink often.

–          Do what you love.  You are utterly unique and that is enough. Whatever you love doing is what you are here to do. Create. Express yourself – and most of all ENJOY your days.  You never know when they will be up.

 

 

 

 

 

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In my last post I looked at how the ego is an aspect of our totality that defines and distinguishes us as separate individuals. The ego, in astrology, is symbolized in the Sun. We say the Sun is our ‘individuality’, our ‘essence’ – the fuel that drives us. We must ‘feed our Sun’ if we want to live lives of passion and purpose.   We are here to create, and to create, we need to unearth our self-expression. The ego is the energy that drives this mission, to express our uniqueness, to create – something  in the world. Whether we are creating a family and a home, or producing great works of art or literature is irrelevant. The infinite doesn’t care what we are creating – only that we do.

 But this is just one way of defining the ego. While I have been influenced by astrology, I am aware that there are other schools of thought regarding the ego.  One is that the ego is the mind in disguise – and the mind is not our friend.   Does that sound surprising? We might think that our mind makes us who we are, and that we are conscious (as in self-conscious) beings, because of our thoughts.  But this may not be the case. Our thoughts are different from our ideas – which come as new, and often creative bursts of consciousness. Thoughts on the other hand are those old tapes that endlessly play, in the form of mental chatter. This is the actually the mind. And you might agree with me when I make the suggestion that most of the time, this mind is not our friend.  In fact, life can feel like a constant internal battle – us, versus ourselves. That is, our conscious self, versus our sub-conscious self. The mind and thoughts are the domain of the subconscious. Our creativity (ideas) comes from the higher mind, or conscious (self-conscious) awareness.  The subconscious relates (in part) to the reptilian brain and this has been referred to as birthplace of the ego.   Our higher consciousness, on the other hand, relates to the prefrontal cortex – a more recent development in the story of human evolution.

 How then, do we reconcile these two streams of thought?  How can the ego be in two places at once?  Is it the guardian and driver of our creative individuality, or is it the voice of the lower mind, the subconscious tape player – constantly undermining us with its theme of fear?  That the ego trades in fear is not hard to see. Fear of not surviving is a powerful force and one that is hardwired into us – we come into the world well equipped to protect ourselves physically. Later we use fear, or it uses us, to protect ourselves emotionally as well. It is the ego that makes us compete with others, and to fight, if need be, for our survival.  It is the ego that prizes life so highly, that we go to great lengths to avoid death. Death is the ego’s oldest adversary and as long as we fear death, believing life and the preservation of it to be paramount, we are living in the ego’s world. 

 They say the great truths in life are always paradoxical.  The ego, when we look at it from these two quite distinct angles,  is paradoxical.  Here is my attempt at reconciliation…

 We live in a system where duality rules. For everything there is an opposite. It is just how things are in this virtual reality. It is part of the rule-set here. As such, we have a this/or that mentality. Things have to be one thing or the other, conscious-subconscious, inside-outside, heart-mind  – which is why we find paradoxes so disconcerting. In the case of the ego, there is a blurring of boundaries. This or that becomes this and that.  We can look at it in this way: the ego is an energy field (as all things are) whose job is to fuel our growth and evolution.   The ego itself is evolving – in and through us, just as we are evolving in and through the larger consciousness system.  Early on in our evolutionary story the energy of the ego – housed (for want of a better word) in the reptilian brain, helps us ‘stay alive’. Later, when we’ve been around the wheel a few times, we move out of survival mode into creative mode.  Ego energy now not only helps us stay alive, it helps us define our individuality and motivates us to express it in the world.  It encompasses (survival) and transcends it (creativity). All evolution works this way: encompass and transcend.

 As we grow our consciousness, we come to understand that we are not separate at all. We are part of the collective body called humanity – and, vitally, we are infinite, immortal aspects of a higher consciousness system. As such, the old fight to preserve our individuality, and indeed our lives themselves, dissipates.  It is replaced with a desire to create connections with others, and to strengthen the bonds that link us one to the other.  At the same time, we see that our individuality is our gift to the collective. It is one of the reasons we are here.  Our ego is then employed in the task of uncovering our uniqueness, finding and expressing who we really are.  The wisdom teachings and spiritual literature talks of ‘relinquishing the  ego’. I see this as a relinquishing of the mind – or, more specifically, the thoughts that come from the subconscious mind.  This mind (as distinct from the higher consciousness mind) is a remnant of the primitive ego, whose job was to keep us alive. The old tapes are still playing because the subconscious does not distinguish between the past and the future.  It operates in the now – playing scripts from past lives and from redundant episodes in this one, as if they were still relevant.  Our task is to let go of this mind, drop the thoughts and channel the ego’s energy into conscious creative self-expression and connection with other life forms – nature, animals, people.  We are here to create and to grow and evolve our consciousness and our ego, friend, foe, either, or, both,  is part of the package.   It’s all just a ride we are on – a cosmic ride. Well-seasoned egos, evolved egos are able to see ‘reality’ for the illusion it is, and to laugh at the seriousness with which we  take ourselves and our lives.   Don’t worry if you are not there yet, if life still feels scary and fear of not surviving looms too large. Rather, accept and allow yourself to be exactly where you are. Little by little, the bigger picture will make itself known and you will move out of survival consciousness. Your ego, have faith, is a work in progress. Decide to stop listening to the mind and its thoughts. Stand aside in your awareness and watch the game your ego is playing. See if you can smile at it.  And above all, every day, remember to enjoy the ride!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How much ego?

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How much ego is left with you??  The question came to me recently from a young man in Germany.

“You don’t have to answer this question if it feels personal to you or it you don’t want,” he said.

“When you read spiritual books, most of them are written from somebody who gives you the impression that the author has already left the ego behind completely….”

And then he went on to ask more questions……

“I am interested in your story…… maybe other readers of your blog would also be interested?”

Thank you Johannes for your interest and just because you may be right, (I know I am always interested in the spiritual journeys of others) – here is  my response….blogged. 

 

How much ego is left with you? Jeepers, it’s more than difficult to be objective when it comes to oneself and the ego, but I’ll try.  I think my ego is probably stronger, or perhaps that should be healthier, now (at 52) than it ever was. !  Not very ‘spiritual’ right?  We’re told to ‘release the ego’ in much of the spiritual literature.  Then let me explain myself.  I am a Pisces Sun and generally, we Pisces Suns do not have particularly powerful egos (and then I immediately think of Rupert Murdoch and question that……BUT, I suspect much of his motivation comes as a compensatory mechanism – in other words, a fragile ego masquerading as a powerful one).   But of course I am much more than a Pisces Sun. I am the product of my parentage, my upbringing and my conditioning.  I am also a product of the trauma and wounding I sustained in former existences. I’m not alone there. Look at the bloody history of humankind on this planet. We have all suffered in the past. And we are all trying to heal (become whole) those wounds.

 As a child I felt too sensitive. I worried about things, didn’t sleep well, I cried too easily.  Coming home from my nana’s where I’d stayed over the school holidays, I would cry in bed, thinking of her all  by herself now, feeling, or imagining her pain – the pain of her aloneness. I’d cry about animals being hurt, or anyone being hurt.  I had six weeks in hospital (Pisces place) at the age of three, when a fishbone (Pisces thing) became lodged in my windpipe, necessitating two surgeries.  Apart from remembrances of the hole in my throat from the tracheotomy, cruel nurses telling me to ‘cough!’  as they shoved tubes down into the hole, my parents passing a doll into the oxygen tent, being wheeled to theatre and panicking as a mask came down over my nose and mouth – the overwhelmingly painful memory sees my mother walking away down the corridor, leaving me,  ‘visiting hour’ being over and screaming for her. Then they came with an injection.

 Naturally enough, I was a ‘mummy’s girl’ and ran away from kindergarten a year later, chasing her car down the road. I felt homesick to the point of tears whenever I was away from her and home.

Fragile – yes, you could say that.  As my evolutionary astrologer teacher Steven Forrest said, when summing up my approach to  life (gleaned from his reading of my natal chart) –  “Maximum trauma (the past) meets maximum sensitivity (the present).  You have lived this life like a deer in the headlights.”   Immobilised by fear, in other words;  living a memory of past trauma . With a Pisces South Node, exactly  opposed to Pluto and conjunct Chiron  (for those astrologers out there) and  a Pisces Sun, the picture of maximum sensitivity is not hard to see.

 So, that background to help connect the dots.  Ego, or our individuality, in astrology, is generally seen in the Sun sign and its position, though in evolutionary astrology, we look deeper. It feels to me, that Steven was right. So where is my ego now, in all of this?   As I said earlier, it feels stronger  at this age, than it once did. And by this I mean my sense of self feels stronger. I think this is largely a product of getting older. We become, especially after the Chiron Return at age 50, more sure of ourselves and what we want in life. We are less apologetic about what we are not, and less afraid to be who we are.  At the same time, weirdly, I feel that my sensitivity is as intact as it ever was. I still cry just as easily when I witness others’ pain, or feel it myself, and I still feel too much fear. I still experience  huge grief when I lose people I love – even temporarily – as in my kids leaving home. Death! Don’t even talk about it.  At times this grief is overwhelming – just as it was when my mother had to leave me, in the hands of those cruel nurses, all by myself,  little more than a baby.  But now I know this sensitivity IS who I am.  I have this Piscean sensitivity for a reason.   I believe all of us are embodying a very particular and unique energetic pattern (which we attempt to read in the natal chart), and the reason we are here has a lot to do with our choices in working (creating) with this energy pattern.  We are so unique it’s bizarre. But rather than celebrate our uniqueness and love ourselves for being who we are, we spend great chunks of our lives comparing ourselves to others. We feel less than. Less attractive, less talented, less in all sorts of ways. We can’t be happy and joy-full, when we are feeling less. Thus, we miss out on the love-filled experience life should be. We need to love ourselves first.   I’m still working on that one – I love my cats more than myself (!) 

 So Johannes, your question is an interesting one. I have explored the ‘spiritual’ side of life since my teenage years and here I am at this advanced age (joke) – and still I feel exactly the same inside, in terms of my feelings – which implies my ego is still fragile. I’ve never suffered from an over-inflated ego – rather the opposite has been my cross to bear – an under-functioning sense of self-worth.  (I’m not sure which is worse). The ebbs and flows of my sensitivities continue to dominate my life and I am reluctant to ‘put myself out there.’  At the same time, and this is paradoxical I realize, I do feel my ego is more resilient these days.  I think this is so because I am able to feel what I feel, to experience the intensity of my compassion and the pain of my sensitivity and at the same time to see it all in a larger way. I am able to stand a little aside – even in the middle of feeling excruciating emotional pain. If we can detach just a fraction, from whatever emotion we are experiencing, we know that our emotions are not who we are. They are moving through us, they are telling us something, opening our hearts and minds to an awareness – of our shared journey here, our interconnectedness, our common humanity. We experience our emotions in order to grow our awareness, our consciousness. I think it may be that simple.  Our egos are that part of us that cause us to feel separate. And it is in our separateness that we find our uniqueness.  Expressing our individuality and allowing ourselves to be who we are is how we develop healthy egos.   I don’t believe we are here to relinquish or squash our egos out of existence.   Living our uniqueness is one of the reasons we are here – to embody that utterly individual energy that is our essence.  As we step more fully into allowing ourselves to be who we are, to create as our one-off personality  would have us create, and to live unapologetically as who we are – we naturally discard all those fear-driven insecurities that make us feel less.  We don’t need to be anything other than who we are.  We don’t need to feel less. THIS, to me, is a healthy ego.   I certainly don’t feel I am ready to let go or surrender my ego. I don’t think I could even if I wanted to –because I’m still in the process of finding out who my ego wants me to be (yes, it’s taken a while).  I still feel fear, insecurity, low self-worth, I still measure and compare myself, I still feel I haven’t achieved what I might have. So I know my ego is not there with me yet. But more and more I don’t care about all of that.  I realize it doesn’t matter. I’m allowed to be, and I’m happy here, now, to be, just who I am – a work in progress. 

 I think I will leave Johannes’ other questions for another day…

 

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the ego – so please do share, if you’d like to.