Archive for May, 2013


A Man of Great Heart….

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I recently came across this in a book I’m reading……….. it deserves sharing:

Professor Jacques Decour was executed by the Nazis at the age of 32 for his activity in the French Resistance in the second world war. As he was waiting for death, he wrote a beautiful letter to his family, which is extraordinarily moving. Here’s what he said:

 

“Now each of us is preparing to die……..We are preparing, thinking about what is to come, about what is going to kill us without our being able to do anything to defend ourselves…….This is truly the moment of us to remember love.  Did we love enough? Did we spend hours a day marvelling at other people, being happy together, feeling the value of contact, the weight and the worth of hands, eyes, bodies? Do we yet really know how to devote ourselves to tenderness? Before we pass away in the trembling of an earth without hope, it is time to become entirely and definitely, love, tenderness, and friendship, because there is nothing else.  We must swear to think of nothing any more but loving, opening our souls and our hands, looking with our best eyes, clasping what we love tightly to ourselves, walking free from anxiety and radiant with affection.”

 

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Closing Down the Heart is Bad for the Body 

 Many of us seem unaware of the damage we are doing to ourselves on all levels – psychological and physiological – when we close down our hearts.  Studies from the scientific world are showing us that choosing not to love runs counter to the life force itself.

 

“A study at Duke University by Dr Redford Williams and colleagues of almost fourteen hundred men and women who underwent a coronary angiography and were found to have had at least one severely blocked coronary artery – showed that after five years, those studied who were unmarried and did not have a close confidant, were over three times as likely to have died than those who were married, had a close confidant, or both. After five years, 50% of those who were unmarried and who did not have a confident were dead.  These differences were independent of any other known medical prognostic risk factors, including number and severity of blocked coronary arteries, smoking, cholesterol, exercise and so on.

 

Another study in Sweden of over two hundred men who had suffered a heart attack found that being single significantly increased the risk of death both from heart disease and from all causes more than eight years later.  Researchers in Amsterdam interviewed over 2,800 people 55 to 85 years of age to determine levels of loneliness as well as individual perceptions of emotional support available from friends and family. They discovered that older people who perceived themselves as surrounded by a loving, supportive circle of friends “decreased their likelihood of dying by approximately half when compared with individuals who reported feelings of emotional isolation.  Those with the highest self-reported feelings of loneliness had nearly double the death rate of those who said they felt emotionally connected to others.”     (Dean Ornish, Love and Survival, 46-48).

 

Why do we close our hearts and cut off our connections from others? Because, we are scared. We close our hearts when we’re feeling angry, when we’re feeling rejected, or neglected, or when we feel attacked, or used or manipulated, or not considered, or criticized, or belittled.  Behind anger, you’ll find, lurks fear. Behind all of these feelings, you’ll find fear. What are we so afraid of?  We are afraid of being abandoned, separated, alone. In other words, we are afraid of being unloved.  Our fear causes us to close down. We ‘stonewall’ or refuse to communicate, we withdraw, sulk, or we spit out in anger and say hurtful things, or do hurtful things – often to those we most love. All these actions put up the barriers to our connections. When the walls of the heart come up, we actually end up creating the very situation that gave rise to our fears in the first place – we cut off from love, and so it cuts off from us. Somewhere, we have to break the cycle.

 

When the Perfect Person Makes an Entrance

 

There is nothing as capable of creating psychic wounds as the departure of love that comes from a closed down heart. Childhood wounds invariably have their origins in early relationships where love was blocked and the connection broken. And later, we find, it is only love that can expose these wounds and bring them up for healing. And when that happens – it hurts! Fascinatingly, we each draw to ourselves, through the awesome intelligence within us, the ‘perfect person’ to help us become conscious of these wounds.

 

This is what I mean by perfect:  Your idealized image of the perfect person is probably NOT going to be the perfect partner the Universe sends your way. This is because the person who is right for you, is the one who will support your healing, your  growth and the evolution of your consciousness. This person will unerringly hone in on those most vulnerable parts of you. Love, we learn, is certainly not all warm fuzzies. Welcome to another side of love – pain, disappointment and hurt. Love is capable of wearing many different masks. And this is not to say your perfect person will not possess many of those beautiful qualities you desire as well. He, or she, is just going to bring along some other ‘qualities’ with them.   Best to know these things at the start….

 

We are on a mission to heal the fractured parts of ourselves – to become whole. Through perfecting ourselves, we are also perfecting the ‘whole’ of which we are individual cells: the higher consciousness state.  We can safely say the Universe has a vested interest in us fixing ourselves. As we do, the higher consciousness state (the Universe, God, or whatever you would like to call it) evolves.

 

And what a way it chose to help us do it – the devastatingly creative force of LOVE.   Nothing is a more powerful vehicle for transformation it turns out, than sex! 

 

Making this journey into the Self, is not for the faint-hearted. It requires courage to look deep into your own psychic space, admit you may have some rough spots to polish out and become vulnerable and willing to take the risk to enter, wholeheartedly into this love business.  But this is what we must do if we want to live fulfilling lives and enjoy relationships of integrity, strength and longevity. If you want to become whole, if that is what you want, you can have it!  Remember the awesome power you have to create what you want. But if you want a ‘perfect relationship’ then, be ready to do the work to get there. Start with the thoughts and beliefs you fill your mind with. The Universe will deliver to you, in exact measure, the ‘effects’ of your beliefs.  If you believe you are not good enough, you will probably end up with a partner who reflects that belief – who is exactly that – not good enough. Time then, to get conscious about what you are creating and sending out. And remember too, the person who is perfect for you is going to be the one who takes you into all your deepest, darkest places. Don’t  let that stop you from sending out your desires; the Universe is endlessly creative and you can have it all! A lover, a healer, a saviour and at times an opponent – your ‘perfect person’ may be all of these, because the perfect person for you will be the partner with whom you journey into the centre of your soul.

 

Heart Rule: The ‘law of attraction’ states that whatever we focus on, we magnetise to us. We are walking, talking magnets and we can have anything and everything we desire – including the perfect partner! – IF our desires support our growth, healing and evolution.  And that means, your ‘perfect partner’ is more about perfecting you – than being perfect – however you define it. 

 

Heart Rules – Chapter 3:  ..continued

 

Closing Down the Heart is Bad for the Body 

 

Many of us seem unaware of the damage we are doing to ourselves on all levels – psychological and physiological – when we close down our hearts.  Studies from the scientific world are showing us that choosing not to love runs counter to the life force itself.

 

“A study at Duke University by Dr Redford Williams and colleagues of almost fourteen hundred men and women who underwent a coronary angiography and were found to have had at least one severely blocked coronary artery – showed that after five years, those studied who were unmarried and did not have a close confidant, were over three times as likely to have died than those who were married, had a close confidant, or both. After five years, 50% of those who were unmarried and who did not have a confident were dead.  These differences were independent of any other known medical prognostic risk factors, including number and severity of blocked coronary arteries, smoking, cholesterol, exercise and so on.

 

Another study in Sweden of over two hundred men who had suffered a heart attack found that being single significantly increased the risk of death both from heart disease and from all causes more than eight years later.  Researchers in Amsterdam interviewed over 2,800 people 55 to 85 years of age to determine levels of loneliness as well as individual perceptions of emotional support available from friends and family. They discovered that older people who perceived themselves as surrounded by a loving, supportive circle of friends “decreased their likelihood of dying by approximately half when compared with individuals who reported feelings of emotional isolation.  Those with the highest self-reported feelings of loneliness had nearly double the death rate of those who said they felt emotionally connected to others.”     (Dean Ornish, Love and Survival, 46-48).

 

Why do we close our hearts and cut off our connections from others? Because, we are scared. We close our hearts when we’re feeling angry, when we’re feeling rejected, or neglected, or when we feel attacked, or used or manipulated, or not considered, or criticized, or belittled.  Behind anger, you’ll find, lurks fear. Behind all of these feelings, you’ll find fear. What are we so afraid of?  We are afraid of being abandoned, separated, alone. In other words, we are afraid of being unloved.  Our fear causes us to close down. We ‘stonewall’ or refuse to communicate, we withdraw, sulk, or we spit out in anger and say hurtful things, or do hurtful things – often to those we most love. All these actions put up the barriers to our connections. When the walls of the heart come up, we actually end up creating the very situation that gave rise to our fears in the first place – we cut off from love, and so it cuts off from us. Somewhere, we have to break the cycle.

 

When the Perfect Person Makes an Entrance

 

There is nothing as capable of creating psychic wounds as the departure of love that comes from a closed down heart. Childhood wounds invariably have their origins in early relationships where love was blocked and the connection broken. And later, we find, it is only love that can expose these wounds and bring them up for healing. And when that happens – it hurts! Fascinatingly, we each draw to ourselves, through the awesome intelligence within us, the ‘perfect person’ to help us become conscious of these wounds.

 

This is what I mean by perfect:  Your idealized image of the perfect person is probably NOT going to be the perfect partner the Universe sends your way. This is because the person who is right for you, is the one who will support your healing, your  growth and the evolution of your consciousness. This person will unerringly hone in on those most vulnerable parts of you. Love, we learn, is certainly not all warm fuzzies. Welcome to another side of love – pain, disappointment and hurt. Love is capable of wearing many different masks. And this is not to say your perfect person will not possess many of those beautiful qualities you desire as well. He, or she, is just going to bring along some other ‘qualities’ with them.   Best to know these things at the start….

 

We are on a mission to heal the fractured parts of ourselves – to become whole. Through perfecting ourselves, we are also perfecting the ‘whole’ of which we are individual cells: the higher consciousness state.  We can safely say the Universe has a vested interest in us fixing ourselves. As we do, the higher consciousness state (the Universe, God, or whatever you would like to call it) evolves.

 

And what a way it chose to help us do it – the devastatingly creative force of LOVE.   Nothing is a more powerful vehicle for transformation it turns out, than sex! 

 

Making this journey into the Self, is not for the faint-hearted. It requires courage to look deep into your own psychic space, admit you may have some rough spots to polish out and become vulnerable and willing to take the risk to enter, wholeheartedly into this love business.  But this is what we must do if we want to live fulfilling lives and enjoy relationships of integrity, strength and longevity. If you want to become whole, if that is what you want, you can have it!  Remember the awesome power you have to create what you want. But if you want a ‘perfect relationship’ then, be ready to do the work to get there. Start with the thoughts and beliefs you fill your mind with. The Universe will deliver to you, in exact measure, the ‘effects’ of your beliefs.  If you believe you are not good enough, you will probably end up with a partner who reflects that belief – who is exactly that – not good enough. Time then, to get conscious about what you are creating and sending out. And remember too, the person who is perfect for you is going to be the one who takes you into all your deepest, darkest places. Don’t  let that stop you from sending out your desires; the Universe is endlessly creative and you can have it all! A lover, a healer, a saviour and at times an opponent – your ‘perfect person’ may be all of these, because the perfect person for you will be the partner with whom you journey into the centre of your soul.

 

Heart Rule: The ‘law of attraction’ states that whatever we focus on, we magnetise to us. We are walking, talking magnets and we can have anything and everything we desire – including the perfect partner! – IF our desires support our growth, healing and evolution.  And that means, your ‘perfect partner’ is more about perfecting you – than being perfect – however you define it. 

 

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The Universal Law is impartial.

It will give you anything you believe.

It will throw you garbage or roses depending on the energy you put in.

You are the one in charge and you must accept that and stand alone.

If you think God is coming down to fix things for you, forget it.

God is out playing golf.

-Stuart Wilde

 

As the heart rule in the previous chapter states, we live in accordance with natural law. We have no choice about this. One of the fundamental natural laws is that humorised by Stuart Wilde: essentially, what we put in, we get back. And it’s what we put in that counts..

Matter and energy are one and the same thing, we now know. It is just the rate of vibration of the particles involved that differentiate a chair from a feeling. Feelings are things as much as a …. dog is.

 

Which brings us to an exciting ‘a-ha’…… IF feelings are as real as so-called solid objects, then our feelings are much more powerful than we thought! They can pack more punch than an All Blacks front row. (That’s our national rugby team btw).

 

The Law of Attraction

This is truly the most exciting revelation quantum mechanics has opened up to us. It seems we hold between our ears and within our hearts, infinite power to direct matter; to attract abundance, the perfect mate, and to live lives of our own limitless creation. The Law of Attraction basically states that whatever we focus on, we magnetise to us! It is that simple. Focus on what we want, and …..along it comes. Focus on what we don’t want, on our fears and lacks – and lo and behold, along they come too!

 

There is nothing new in this teaching. The only thing new about it is that it is now able to be demonstrated scientifically. Energy and matter are the same thing – it is only the rate of vibration that differentiates one from the other. So, through our thoughts and feelings we can manipulate the physical universe. We can attract to ourselves whatever our hearts desire.  There is however, a slight catch. It is not enough to just ‘want’. We need to overlay those wants with the power of emotion.  Emotion, it appears, is the rocket fuel to bring all our desires into our lives. Without emotion, we may still get what we focus on – but it will take much longer for it to manifest in our lives. This is important, because if we are serious about meeting our heart mates, we need to know these things.

 

The ancient wisdom keepers knew this law of attraction. The Dead Sea Scrolls, unearthed in 1946 contain startling insights into the mysteries of prayer and energy – mysteries that modern science is just beginning to understand.  One of the mysteries revealed in the Dead Sea Scrolls is that through directing our focus – or where we send our attention, we can actually bring about a whole new course of events.  The energy of an emotion is stronger than that of a thought, so when desires come wrapped in emotion, they are greatly intensified and thus more speedily delivered to us. The secret is focus, attention, mindfulness and a walloping dose of emotion.

 

It follows then, that if we want to magnetise the ‘perfect relationship’, we need to direct our thoughts, feelings and emotions towards this end. What is exciting is the knowledge that we have the power to do this!  (I’ll talk more about this later)……BUT, ther e is a qualification that needs to be made here: what do we mean by perfect? Are you wanting to attract someone who will ‘meet your every need’, who will give you unconditional, undying love?  Probably. And why wouldn’t you want that?

 

The less than good news is – that ‘perfect person’ isn’t necessarily going to enter your life to make it perfect. Their appropriateness for you is about deeper and more important things than what you may label ‘meeting your needs.’  Intrigued?   Read on…..

 

Relationships of the intimate kind are our temples of learning, our crucibles of change, our melting pot of opportunity…….They mark our lives’ deepest, most searingly passionate moments. And they also define our bleakest.  Nothing feels as painful as the fractured heart. Not having the ‘love’ of other people,  feeling their active dislike of us, is infinitesimal when weighed against the agony of being rejected by our lover.  Losing the love of a friend is a light rain shower; losing the love of a beloved is a wild, tumultuous storm, washing away the very ground we’re standing on. The heart knows the difference between universal love and intimate love oh too well.

 

It is through the challenges, from the agony to the ecstasy of intimate  relationships that we can come to know our own capacity for love. It is one thing to love humanity as a whole, but (sorry Einstein) I believe the harder thing is to love one other person, thoroughly, unconditionally, completely.

 

Through the challenges of intimate love, we come to know ourselves. When we have the courage to explore our wounded places, our vulnerabilities, weaknesses, scars – old and new, we can open ourselves to grow past them. Once we see ourselves in the naked light of emotional honesty, we are free to love wholeheartedly and unreservedly.  Makes it sound easy I know – and yes, I know this isn’t the case. But listen, I do know this: the heart, with its infinite intelligence, is the king pin, it rules. Why not trust it? As the findings of the Heartmath Institute demonstrate – it is the heart that entrains the brain. The heart is the captain of our ship! Which means simply, that the voice of our intuition is the voice we should be listening to.

 

How often we forget to listen to this wisdom of the heart. We are stuffing up this relationship business left, right and centre. The reason? Spending too much time in the fear zone. We need to know it is possible, and it is desirable, to come back to the simplicity of listening to our own innate wisdom.  Wisdom directed by the physical/spiritual organ, the heart.  Let’s stop being half-hearted, down-hearted, broken-hearted and let the heart direct our lives.

 

How do we do it? We take the risk to love and be loved.  And it IS a risk! We give our ego the book (or at least put it on part-time duties) – in essence, we keep our hearts open – consciously, consistently.  If we do this, we will be open to the intelligence that is organising our lives and our relationships. The secret to keeping our hearts open is maintaining our connections with others. (We will be discussing how to do this later)…

 

So why is keeping our hearts open such a big deal?  Because if we don’t, we break our connections and in the illusion of separateness, we become weaker – physically, emotionally and spiritually.  When fear and pain hit us, we close down – and closing our hearts is just not a good look – or feeling!  Closing down is a psychological,  as well as physical defence.  Just as we flinch when we hurt ourselves or are about to be hit, when we feel an emotional threat our hearts put up the barriers.  Pain, real or perceived, is the pain of contraction. We effectively cut off the air supply to our hearts through fear of pain coming at us. That air supply is the carrier of the vital life force  which flows through us and animates everything that lives. Grief – the pain of a broken bond of love – can cut off the vital current of life force into the heart region. We do not choose to feel this pain; it comes upon us through the sheer sadness that life brings at times. The dualism of life means there will inevitably be dark times. But what many of us do not always realize is that we do have the power to control our feelings.  Remember, we attract in accordance with what we project (think and feel).  Too often we are closing down when we don’t need to and creating our own pain, or deepening our grief.  Our beliefs are creating our reality. We are getting garbage, when we could be thrown roses.