The fountains mingle with the river

And the river with the ocean,

The winds of heaven mix forever

With a sweet emotion;

Nothing in the world is single;

All things by a law divine,

In one spirit meet and mingle.

Why not I with mine?

-Percy Shelley

When we first appear in this world, we are held in arms, cocooned, cuddled and soothed. We need comforting – because it’s very scary. Here we are, all alone suddenly, in this new little body, in this strange place. We have come from somewhere that knows ‘connection’. And then, with our birth, we have to learn ‘separation’.

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience…..

We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”     – Teilhard de Chardin

From that moment on, our task is to learn to be an independent being, and yet our innate knowingness tells  us that this stage is not right. Skin encapsulated egos are only half the picture. The other half is our real self, our higher self, or overself…….our soul.  The ego is lent to us, along with our personality, to negotiate life in the physical; to survive life in the physical.  Survival in the physical means a certain level of fear is necessary. Fear and forgetfulness then, accompany us into the body.  We may forget our spiritual origins, the bliss of our connection with the all, for the most part – but this serves a purpose. If we knew how much happier we could feel out of the body, the suicide rate would drastically rise. No, that is not the plan or the purpose.  Life here in the physical has immense value  – and we seem to understand this without being told.

And fear – fear was needed to keep us on the edge, where our physical survival was concerned.  The adrenals pumping out their flight or fright hormones were not included in the design for nothing. Their role was, and is, to protect us from danger.  But the cancerous spread and pervasiveness of fear and negativity in our lives is not always  about protection. These emotions are all too often life negating. And, as we’ve seen, they keep us in the fear zone, the low vibratory zone.

It’s true we need to keep our wits about us and  fear helps us do this, but the low-level anxiety and gut-knotting fear that most people live with, fed largely by our fear-generating society, is endemic and, frankly, needs challenging.  In these pages, I am asking you to challenge the status quo regarding the love/fear balance. How can the heart rule when it is continually shut down by fear and other negative emotions?  Emotions that we believe are ‘us’ – when in fact they are a mixture of primitive instinct and the outpourings of the emotional body, whose agenda is to keep us feeling separate, fearful and alone.  This is how the ego gets to stay in control.  (Why it needs to, is another subject – suffice to say here, the ego is evolving, as all consciousness is).

We forget, when we are not hearing the heart, how truly powerful and infinite, how deeply connected we are – to the whole.  The heart knows the truth of lives: that we are spiritual beings living through a physical body. The paradox of human life became enacted again with our birth – and our biggest challenge is to embrace both the wisdom and tenderness of our spiritual essence and the beauty and pain, the contrast and creative potential, of our physical existence.  We are spiritual beings having a human experience.


I simply believe that some part of the human self

is not subject to the laws of time and space.

-Carl Jung

Our higher selves crave connection, or union, because this part of us knows that this is our authentic state. The fear we feel about being ‘alone’ is very primal. It is this fear that underpins our frantic search for union, for partnership, for our missing ‘other half’.  Every new separation, every loss, thrusts us back to the fear and disorientation we felt at that original separation from our source: the moment of our birth.

The quest of everything on the planet, not only us, is this union.  Cosmic consciousness, bliss, transcendence, merging with the One – whatever name you give it, this is the destination of all spiritual aspirants and the purpose of spiritual practice. For some people this quest becomes the primary motivation in life. But for most of us, the closest we care to come, given life is to be lived in the physical, is in and through relationship.   It is the intimate relationship primarily, but all relationships bring us back to the state of connection which becomes the canvas for lives of depth, creativity, healing and wholeness.   Paradoxically, we are born alone, but we cannot do this life thing alone.  We need relationships. And the purposes they fulfil are many.

At one level they serve the spiritual aspect of ourselves which craves connection and seeks to become known, and on another they are the mechanism for our physical body’s programmed urge to perpetuate itself. Or, as Kahlil Gibran far more eloquently put it:  “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself.”   …..   But enough of that, we’re not here to talk about sex!

Clearly though, the reason relationships consume so much of our consciousness is purely and simply because they fulfil the needs of our physical selves (ideally) and our spiritual selves. That is, all of us.  They therefore cannot be relegated to some small compartment of our lives. We cannot give scraps of ourselves to our relationships, bits here and there, and expect love to remain, much less, to grow.  Love and good relationships demand all of us. Like us, our relationships are multi-dimensional.

We live in a universe of duality: up-down, hot-cold, sickness-health, birth-death, light-dark, man-woman, sun-moon, yin-yang.  This duality is centre stage in our quest for connection. We see the opposite sex (or for some the anima or animus in a partner of the same sex) because this is the polarity through which we merge to become one whole.  The paradox of course is that we are charged with the mission to become whole, but we must always remain separate – for as long as we are in a physical body. We are alone – yet we are not alone and wholeness is something we must find ultimately, within ourselves. 

A partner will bring up all your patterns.

Don’t avoid relationships:

They are the best seminar in town.

The truth is that your partner is your guru.

–          Sondra Ray

It is through the learning experiences of relationships that we are able to heal our fractured parts (and we all have them, or we wouldn’t be here), to become integrated, or whole.  We cannot know ourselves in the absence of relationship. Through the feedback system of relationships we learn what we believe in, what we stand for, what our values are, how strong we are, how soft, how much love we are capable of giving – and receiving.  At the top of the list is whether we can be brave enough to keep our hearts open – or not.  The quintessential purpose of the ‘quest’, which we are all on, knowingly or not, is to learn about love. And we cannot learn about love without relationships.

Notwithstanding the flowery connotations the word love has acquired since the age of romanticism began, the word remains the symbol for the most profound force in the universe. Physicists are discovering that ‘love’ or the force of attraction is the glue that holds the universe together. Witness the ‘observer effect’: scientific studies are able to demonstrate that outcomes of experiments in the physical universe are dictated by thoughts and feelings of the observer. Love is a feeling. It is not a physical force,  but it can direct the course of physical matter. In other words, objects are drawn together by this force. You could say the iron filing loves the magnet. There is a force of nature which pulls objects in the physical world together. We can call this force love. This force of love is the attraction which compels us, and everything else in the physical universe to rejoin or reunite with our other halves in the non-physical universe.

In Love and Survival Gary Schwartz, who has studied the force of love and its effect on health says:

“Love is the fundamental attractive process. It is the process through which you receive information.  Therefore, love exists in all systems at all levels from the micro to the macro. For example, take water. You have hydrogen and oxygen, two separate molecules. They come together and create this unbelievable, amazing liquid called water. What hydrogen and oxygen do is bring out the best in each other. Through their relationship, they create something bigger than themselves. The idea of love is not uniquely human. Love becomes, ultimately, very spiritual. There are levels of love from the micro to the macro. Love is the ultimate force – the meta-force.”    (Dean Ornish, Love and Survival, Gary Schwartz Ph.D. 190)

So then, given that love is the meta-force of life, it is not surprising that negotiating our way through and around love is a meta-issue.  It is the stuff we are about on this earthly ride, make no mistake.  Greater minds than ours have grappled with and come to an understanding of the ‘reason’ we are here. And, surprise, surprise, it happens to be LOVE – the meta-force of attraction, that is the glue holding the universe together. 

It’s fascinating too, to ponder the thought that love is the process through which we receive information.  In metaphysics, light is equated to information – as we shall be exploring later. Darkness is actually a manifestation of a lack of love.  If we have love, we have light. We have information. We understand life, when we exist in a loving state.

Love moulds itself to fit all manner of containers. There are many types of love.  I am talking here about intimate one-on-one love, but love is, or should be, the beginning, the middle and the end of all our endeavours – however grand or insignificant.  It was Albert Einstein who wrote:

“A human being is a part of the whole that we call the universe, a part limited in time and space.  He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest – a kind of optical illusion of his consciousness. This illusion is a prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for only a few people nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living beings and all of nature.”


What Einstein is saying is that our feelings of separateness are delusional and do not serve either ourselves, or the world. But as I said earlier, that ‘forgetfulness’ (or optical illusion of consciousness) does serve a purpose. It is intended  (thanks to the head honcho) that we do know ourselves as separate, because we need to experience ourselves in relation to something.  Don’t lose me here…..because here’s the crunch.  In knowing ourselves, which we learn to do through our interactions or relationships with others, we learn about our power to create. We become the creators of our own lives.  Creators cannot live in a purely subject world – they need the objectivity of distance.    And as creators, we are able to serve the world. We learn to co-author our lives,  with the guidance of our higher selves, in a conscious way. We can only create positive, fulfilling lives, when we know and are comfortable with ourselves, inside and out. If we live entirely on our own, for and by ourselves and resist our nature to merge with another being (through fear), how can we ever really know who and what we are?  We would be living in an emotional vacuum; in an unintegrated state.

Until we really know ourselves, we tend to be blown every which way by the feelings and actions of others. We are like weather vanes, vacillating constantly in response to the prevailing emotional climate.  We are hollow and vacuous, filled not with the strength of our own characters, but open to be manipulated and used by outside forces.  Looking around, most of us seem to be at varying degrees of ‘knowing ourselves’ and therefore at varying stages on the road called strength of character.

Once we have become aware of the truth of ourselves – that we are not separate, we are rather, part of the whole universe. We then have the power to break through the illusion of separateness and embrace and merge with all living beings. We cannot do so until we are fully aware of ourselves as separate yet connected.  A fully conscious or integrated person is one who knows and lives this paradox. Separate, independent, but knowingly connect to, and responsible to, the whole.  This person exemplifies the Three C’s:  Consciousness, Compassion, Connection.

Separateness without consciousness is a dangerous state. If we are unaware of our interconnectedness, and believe we exist solely for ourselves – heavens! All hell breaks loose. Such an individual is the equivalent of the cancer cell. Self-serving in the extreme; it may succeed in attaining supremacy, but it will be fleeting.  Its selfishness will ultimately cost it its life – and the life of its host. Look what we are doing to our host – our planet Earth!  Separateness without consciousness is extracting a very heavy price.

Service-to-Selves are on a path to destruction, as surely as the cancer cell is. It is against universal law to live lives devoted only to self, and sooner or later the wake-up call will come.  It may be in the form of disease. It may be in the form of some cataclysmic personal tragedy. This may sound dark, but ultimately, life is a continual balancing act. What is being balanced, when we meet with events that shake us up, is an erroneous way of thinking.  And while I don’t like to be the bearer of bad news, it has to be said that the lessons keep getting harder – until you get them!

Heart Rule:  Natural law dictates love is the meta-force, the glue that keeps the universe together. We have no choice but to live by the rules of natural law…….we are playing the game of love, whether we like it or not. Better to learn what the rules are then, so we can play consciously.