For one human being to love another:

That is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks,

The ultimate, the last test and proof, the work

For which all other work is but preparation.




Preparation, says Rilke. What can we do to prepare ourselves for this most important task – that of loving another human being?  As Rilke solemnly cautions – this love business is hard work! So how do we prepare ourselves if loving another isn’t so much about finding the right person, as being the right person?

What does being the right person even look like?  This is a question that cannot be answered in a paragraph. Might be a good time to go and make yourself a cup of tea.

Okay, you’re back ? Take a deep breath. Now,  I want to say at the outset, I am coming from a place that sees life as a spiritual experience, as much as it is a physical one. In fact, what I will be exploring in this book, will be largely spiritual. This is because for everything which manifests in the physical world, there is another, larger part, held back in the unmanifest one. We live in a universe of duality, but the ultimate nature of life is unity. (Uni-verse – one song). Unity is where we came from. It is this divine state of unity that some call God. This force, this divine, invisible energy is our ultimate essence. We become physical beings so that  we can manifest our divine nature through experiencing our creative power in the material world. And while we do, our ‘higher self’ waits back in the oneness, beyond this third dimension we call reality. All the while we are living here in the world of duality, we crave love and connection, because we have an innate sense of our incompleteness. We are incomplete. Our rush to unite with the opposite sex is our physical body’s craving for the unity from which we came.

Living in a body, as we know, can be wonderful. The pleasures and excitements of being ‘embodied’ are undoubtedly very sexy. As physical beings, we cannot be in a relationship without one ….. a body that is.

But we are not only physical bodies: we are multi-dimensional – which means we exist in a number of different planes, or dimensions, at any one time.  We know this, we feel it. We know our emotions are not contained within our bodies. We experience them through our bodies. Our emotions feel like us, but they are not. They are simply passing states coming from physiological responses to thoughts and feelings. Our memories, likewise, are not contained or constrained by the physical brain.

Every night when we go to sleep and dream, we are operating outside of the third dimensions of space/time. We are free then, to reconnect with the other elements of our being. For the most part we are blissfully unaware of the depths within and around us. We are actually physical bodies  inside soul bodies, not the other way around.

If we are going to heed the wisdom of masters and sages who have walked the planet before us, and the poet quoted above, we are going to have to face the fact that finding and living in love is largely about ourselves!  You may think well, that’s easy. I already work on myself – I go to the gym, watch what I eat, I look after my body.   But the masters didn’t mean perfecting our physical bodies (beautiful and admirable though a perfect body is), or working hard to advance in the material world.  No, all of this cellular matter is destined to hit the scrap heap one day. It will have completed its work here, and , really, we will have no more use for it.  Like everything in this dimension, these bodies are temporary.  Not so, our spiritual bodies, or our higher selves – or soul bodies.  This is the aspect of ourselves that we are here to work on. Our soul is the container of our consciousness – and it is this that will live on, long after our term here on Earth has ended. It is this that will accompany us into the next life, and the next….

If it is true, that we need to work on ourselves buy expanding our consciousness and greater minds than many of ours seem to agree that we do, then  this has to be the key to loving well. Becoming more conscious is the means of ending our loneliness and our pain. It is one of the reasons we are here. We are all evolving, it is just a question of whether we do it consciously or unconsciously. This is our quintessential mission: to become more conscious, or more self-aware of our higher selves. And it is also the way we find, hold onto and live in a state of real love. We agreed to take on this mission before we came here and it is the task that will consume us for as long as it takes to finally get it.

It is when we allow fear to take centre stage in our lives, instead of love, that we create the messes and various levels of quiet and not-so-quiet desperation we find ourselves in. We are separating, divorcing and looking for new  partners at a frequency never before seen on the planet. All this frantic searching for the ‘perfect partner’ and the relationship wars we become embroiled in may be symptomatic of our own, deep-seated fears. These coalesce around the universal fears of separation and abandonment. Separating and divorcing need not be permeated with our fear. Ideally, they can, and should be, an open acknowledgement that the path we have travelled on together has reached an intersection – indicating the time has come to go our separate ways. The karmic contract has reached its conclusion. We can agree to do so with love and forgiveness – and thanks. We need not carry the dark faces of fear with us in our relationships…..

…….(to be continued)….